Dear Auntie,

I am a guy aged 25 years. I come from a middle-class family and I like a girl who I want to marry. I have been talking to her for almost two years now. Recently, I expressed my feelings towards her and she told me that she feels the same way about me.

Her family and my family are close, but I feel a bit scared whenever I think about approaching my parents. My dad still treats me like his baby. That makes it even more difficult for me to talk to him. I almost know that he won’t take me seriously.

Please suggest how I can man up and talk directly to my dad? For once, I want to be out of my comfort zone and be able to approach my dad. Even if he rejects my decision, the one thing I know is that I won’t have any regrets, because I have actually taken a stand for myself. Please help me.

Looking forward to you reply!

Confused Guy

‘How Do I Tell My Father I Want To Get Married?’

Dear Confused Guy

The only way to tackle this bull is by the horns. Your awkwardness and fear around the matter are literally in your head. Remember, regardless of what your father thinks, you are an adult now. So deal with the situation like one. The adult thing to do is to simply walk up to whichever parent you are more comfortable with and tell them that you have something important to tell them. Once you have their attention, tell them that there is a girl you like, whom they know. And then let them know who it is. That is it, really.

They may have questions and concerns which you will need to address. So think through the situation beforehand and have your answers ready.

Hiding relationships and other things from family can be really stressful. Think of how relieved you will be once you have talked about the situation and it is off your chest.

If you think it is especially difficult to have this conversation, you can seek support from your mom, a sibling or even another relative who knows both you and your father well. They could be present when you are talking to your father and help the conversation flow smoother. The presence of a third supportive person can really take some of the pressure off your head.

Try practising the conversation beforehand. Think about what you will say and exactly how you will say it. Preempt how your father will respond and then think about your response, etc. The whole point of approaching your father is to get the conversation going and, hopefully, move you and your friend towards marriage.

Since this conversation is an important one about your future, be ready for many more conversations about the matter. Learn to also listen to your father, in addition to saying what you have to say. Remember, you are not practising to come away with a definite yes from your father (even though that would be ideal). You are practising because you want to choose the right words, put your best foot forward and also because you want to stay calm, in case everything doesn’t go as smoothly as expected.

Also, since you have had a two-year relationship with this girl, I suggest you approach your father with a serious attitude. Show him that you are very serious about marrying this girl. So no wishy-washy ‘Even if he rejects my decision …’ You are to go all out because this girl is counting on you.

Remember that the reason you are having this awkward conversation is because it is necessary. If you didn’t have to do it, you wouldn’t. Do not give up midway. All power to you. I wish you the best of luck.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 4th, 2021

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