Dear Auntie,
I hope you are doing well. I am an MBBS final year student. When I enrolled in university, I saw a beautiful girl with her head covered with a black scarf and, at first sight, I fell in love with her.

In the first three years I was a shy student, so I never spoke to her directly, but somehow, contacted her close friend through a mutual friend and told the friend about my feelings. She told me that I was not her type. I did not lose hope. I have done so many things for her without letting her know.

During my fourth year I was termed back and that was the toughest time I had to face. I lost my sense of self, went into depression, became suicidal and started taking anti-depressants. Long story short, the university cancelled my term back. Since then I have been taking anti-depressants. Now in my final year, when I have only two months left for my degree, I went to her to express my feelings and as I went near her, believe me auntie, my legs were shaking! So I stepped back and decided not to talk to her. The next day I took my anti-depressants and approached her again.

The advantage of anti-depressants is that it keeps your mind calm irrespective of your situation. I said I need to talk, and we started our conversation. She then said, “You have ruined my five years. My friends have been making fun of me because of you. You are the person I hate the most.” She continued, “I know you have feelings about me, but your approach was not right. I hated you because of your wrong approach, whereas I respect your feelings and if you had expressed your feelings with me face-to-face the situation would have been different today. But I can’t say anything right now. I will do whatever my parents will say.”

‘I want to marry my crush but she rejected me’

So, Auntie, I am unable to understand what I should do now? Please suggest something. I am in love with her. In five years of university, I never looked at any other girl. I am in true love with her and I want to marry her. But I don’t know how.
Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken
I am sorry about your situation my love, but Auntie’s gotta break it to you: when someone says no, it means no. So just move back. The girl has made herself very clear and there is no point in pursuing this anymore. I know that hurts, but if, as you say, you love her, you need to respect her wishes. That means absolutely no revenge schemes and also no action on your part which is directed towards making her regret her decision. Painful as it may be, you need to cut this connection off.

From now onwards, start changing how you think about the situation with this girl. You conveyed to your crush that you like her and she told you she wasn’t interested. The good thing about this is that everything is out in the open. The girl didn’t lead you on and get into a relationship with you just for the sake of it. Would you really want to be in a fake relationship? Consider yourself saved.

Now, to deal with the rejection, you have to accept how you are feeling. You are upset. You put a lot of emotions into the situation. And now it is over. You want to cry? Go ahead. You want to rant in writing? Do it. If you want to talk about it to someone, find a trusted friend or relative. Just know that you won’t get over your crush in the blink of an eye. Getting over someone you have crushed on for years will take time, so understand this and go easy on yourself. Think about what you have learnt from this episode (and it is not that you will never have a happy relationship!). At the same time, make some real attempts to move on from this episode in your life. First and foremost, start focusing on your education. At the same time, start making new friends and explore any interests that you may have.

I wish you best of luck in the next phase of your life.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, November 29th, 2020