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Starting anew in another country is daunting, but sometimes it's the only way

Why are so many people in their thirties and forties choosing to move abroad?
Updated 05 Oct, 2020


I was a very patriotic child — the kind that stood up every time the national anthem played, the kind that had dreams and plans of making the country better, the kind that loved her identity as a Pakistani.

In so many ways, this is all true of me even today.

But something has changed.

Ever since I have hit my mid-thirties, so much of the fairy dust has started to settle down to reveal some scary truths of the place I live in.

Suddenly, the evolutionary need for survival (and a good life) has started to take hold; a lot more than any romantic notion of saving the country. That’s the thing with age, it changes your perspective, slowly but surely.

Moving away from home is the hardest choice one can make

As our parents' age, their medical needs and requirements become unavoidably clear and pose as a need more serious than any we have faced so far.

For those of us who have kids, their education and security are now motives bigger and better than any other. As we ourselves begin to realize that we have the next decade to make something of our careers, opportunity and the reward that might exist at another place seems to call out a lot more strongly than the voices we have grown up with.

But this isn’t necessarily what I'd call fun, as nobody wants to uproot themselves, their lives, careers and social life after 3 and a half decades. There is so much value in staying in a place that feels truly yours, despite its flaws. There is so much to be gained out of being close to your family and friends, the ones you grew up with.

“I increasingly think of moving abroad for a better quality of life; as a woman for better safety, security and independence! And just overall, better rights as citizens."


The prospect of starting anew in another country, after having worked very hard for half your life to build a life here, is a scary one. The process itself is tedious, expensive and nerve-wrecking. The uncertainty that comes with waiting on calls, PR’s, etc, is no easy feat.

I see friends put themselves through it and I see, amongst other things, in their eyes a kind of desperation that says, “We wish we didn’t have to.”

And that’s the thing, for so many, it is no longer something that they want to do, but something they have to. For someone who doesn’t have family wealth (or lots of it), the fear of ailing parents and children’s education is enough to drive them to any place that offers them that security.

For better opportunities and a better life

I spoke to two friends — one who has uprooted himself, leaving a thriving career and family behind (temporarily) and one who is a single woman aspiring to do the same.

Ahmed Mustafa, a father of one, is a corporate executive

"I first moved abroad in 2015 when I moved for a job to Qatar. Tax-free income, general safety, governance, international exposure etc were the reasons at the time. I moved back in 2018. What changed, however, was that this time instead of 2 we were 3.

That's why I knew I had to do right by my kid. I knew that if I had the option, I had to give him the best environment and best future possibilities.

Nobody wants to uproot themselves, their lives, careers and social life after 3 and a half decades. There is so much value in staying in a place that feels truly yours, despite its flaws. There is so much to be gained out of being close to your family and friends, the ones you grew up with.


I love Pakistan with all in worth, but I couldn't deny the opportunities that Canada or other countries presented.

I do believe that what the current government is up to are the right decisions for our future. However, it will be a long, tough, painful battle for the renewal of Pakistan's existence. It'll be like ripping the country's current roots out and driving old values.

I can't be there to see what happens I guess. I could live through it. But I don't want my child to live through it though. My own activism, affecting his life and aspirations would be unfair!”

Saman Shahryar, 38 years old, works in the development sector

“I increasingly think of moving abroad for a better quality of life; as a woman for better safety, security and independence! And just overall, better rights as citizens.

As my thirties end, I have started to seriously think of things such as financial and social security. I am learning to let go of old ideals and replace them with new ones that are rooted in pragmatism, a lot more than the romantic notions that youth allows one.”


***


I feel like I am beginning to see their point of view very clearly myself. Sadly so, but it is, what it is.

Having rallied for politicians, campaigned for fair elections, worked here, paid our taxes and done our due, I must admit, thirties are shifting my perspective, very swiftly and towards one direction; to find a stable place to live for yourself and your family.

Comments

Adan Sep 30, 2020 12:27pm
And At the end we came to our beloved country to be buried here, A bitter truth.
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M.Tabish Siddiqui Sep 30, 2020 12:39pm
Agreed, I am patriotic too and beyond patriotism I am family oriented first & I can't put my efforts where nothing seems changed after continuous changing of multiple leaders.
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Ali Sep 30, 2020 02:22pm
The real question, which starts bothering you when your children start school abroad, is what identity do we want them to have when they grow up?
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Satwat Sep 30, 2020 02:23pm
Mainy bhi jana. I need to get out of this country. Its suffocating me. My people around me and by circumstances are the big reasons. I wish it could be heaven, but not.
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Analyst Sep 30, 2020 02:55pm
Moving abroad is all about affording a better material life. Leaving ailing parents behind for selfish gains is not justifiable. Its a generation loss that is not worth it.
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Toni Sep 30, 2020 02:55pm
Leaving as a late teenager was hard, never thought never go back, but the passion for the birthplace and the ordinary folk will never go away, it maintains the patriotism and a hope that current regime will change for the young growing up in Pakistan, miss it! Bless the young generation, make it yours.
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Amarnath Sep 30, 2020 03:37pm
This is a sobering read.
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Ahmed Sep 30, 2020 03:41pm
Pakistan's best and brightest move abroad, especially the ones who score high on the 'O' and 'A' levels. The reason why is well explained here. Some do come back, but usually return. It is difficult to adjust after the freedom and security experienced abroad. Nobody in the corridors of power cares. Some countries do strive to bring their citizens back. Italy , for instance, they share the cost of building a house for Italians who return. Those who don't believe this, check it out.
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Rubina Sep 30, 2020 04:56pm
I moved in 90s . It is a good, safe and comfortable life but it is different than it would have been in my country of birth which is a good and a bad thing.
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NYS Sep 30, 2020 09:56pm
@satwat you are absolutely right people are hypocrite here tough to combat
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AAA Sep 30, 2020 10:37pm
So patriotism is nothing than a farce, what we all need is well being for our self, which is an ultimate truth and states whom failed to deliver and create equality among masses are undesirable.
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Umer Khattak Oct 01, 2020 03:25am
Absolutely, sir. You have put this discussion in the right perspective.
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Laila Oct 04, 2020 01:37pm
Identity is not something you can design and implement. It is something that develops over time organically and naturally coloured by the environment you live in, the people you live and interact with, the studies and work you do. If you force onto the child an identity you want for hem you will create problems and identity clashes. Stay in Pakistan if you want them to be Pakistani like here in Pakistan. Don't force unto them your perception of how they should be.
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