Hello Auntie,
I am a 17-year-old boy who, through manipulation and trickery, was caught in a love situation by a 26-year-old married woman. She regularly sends me inappropriate messages. Even though I have blocked her, she continues to threaten me by calling on social media. She also threatens me that if I don’t talk to her, she will ruin my future. Hence, I am under a lot of psychological tension and very worried. I have been begging her for a long time to leave me alone. I have reminded her many times that she is a married woman, but she continues to pursue me and wants to have a relationship with me. I can’t get rid of her because she and her husband have great relations with my family. I have been living a messed up life for a long time now and I am unable to study properly due to her threats.  Please advise me what I should do in such a critical situation. 
Anonymous 

Dear Anonymous, 
You can keep reminding this woman that she is married and a respected figure in society, but it is unlikely that she will change her behaviour. The only way you can change this is to change how you have been responding to her. So far, you have been coming from a place of fear, begging her to stop and hiding what is happening, which is why she keeps becoming more and more confident. You have to stand up to this woman. You have to find the strength to take a stand and hopefully expose your harasser. Remember, this situation is only working because you are staying quiet and letting her harass you.  

To save yourself and avoid future harassment, you absolutely have to find a reliable person that you can tell what is happening. If you cannot go to your parents or think they will not believe you, please find a sibling, a friend or a cousin that you can talk to. And be very clear about the information you give them. Tell your confidant who your harasser is and give details of what she has been doing. It is not easy, but you absolutely need to find the courage to do this.  

‘A married woman is harassing me’

If possible, get your confidant to witness the harassment. For instance, if she calls you to harass you, put her on speaker so your confidant/witness can hear what she says. Since she is stupid enough to text you, share the screenshots with your confidant. Ideally, the witness should be around when the harasser calls and can hear and see what is happening. Record her calls, take screenshots of her messages to you and get your confidant/witness to see or, even better, film when she is harassing you in person.  

You may feel strange about doing this because she is your ‘auntie’ or an older close family friend, but Auntie Agni wants to remind you that respect has to be earned. You have to stop respecting and protecting this woman just because she is a family friend and older than you. She has clearly proved that she is a harasser and a bully. See her for the horrible human being that she is! 

Finally, once you have gathered the evidence against your harasser auntie, confront her. I hope you find the strength to do this yourself. However, if that is not possible, your witness could do it on your behalf. When you have your evidence ready, send it to her next time she DMs you. Share the screenshots and recordings of her calls and say you have told a friend and are considering taking it to the police or sharing with her husband and your family. The mere threat that you will expose this woman will most likely end the harassment.

Even if initially you did respond to her overtures, you are a minor and so the case against her is very strong. You just have to collect the evidence and confront her. Remind yourself repeatedly that harasser auntie has more to lose than you, such as her marriage and respect in society, if you make the evidence public. Please, please, please find the strength to do this. You can confront her yourself if you feel able; or your trusted person or witness can do it on your behalf.  The important point here is to expose her and call her out.  
I hope this helps.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, August 9th, 2020