Aoa Auntie,
I am a 27-year-old girl. My brother who was not living with us for some years due to some issues of his has now come back and has been living with us since two weeks. He is conservative and has issues with the way I dress. He has objections to and questions me for wearing jeans. He is controlling and aggressive. Sometimes he says that something bad will happen because of you guys, because you are not obeying my orders. He has not studied much.

Auntie, I feel like a stranger in my own home and it makes me so sad that he doesn’t talk to me in a friendly way. Messed up life

Dear Stand Up For Yourself,
Your brother sounds like he is very dominating, almost bully-ish in how he is treating you. Since he has lived away from his family, it seems that he doesn’t share your values. You have not said whether your brother is younger or older than you, so it’s difficult to say how much hold he has over you naturally.

‘My brother is very dominating’

To deal with your brother, you will need to start working on yourself to become more self-assured. You should not have any doubts about the way you have been leading your life till now. You are used to dressing a certain way which works for you. There is nothing wrong with it. Apply this to every aspect of your life that he has issues with.

To deal with your brother you will need to start working on yourself to become more self-assured. You should not have any doubts about the way you have been leading your life till now.

You should remind yourself that the way you have led your life till your brother arrived was okay. You should try and avoid him as much as possible. This is difficult when you live in the same house, but surely you can find ways to just stay out of his way. In case you do end up hearing one of his lectures, hear him out calmly and then continue doing what you want to do. The idea is to send your brother the message that he cannot push you around. You can also, when you are feeling brave enough, speak to him directly and tell him that things were fine and your family was functioning okay before he arrived. Also, while there is a lot of good in our culture, there are certain things which don’t always gel well with the modern age. For instance, our culture tells us to respect those who are elder to us and those we are related to. However, some people take undue advantage of age, gender and their position in a family which is not fair.

If your parents have been okay with how you have been leading your life up until your brother arrived, why is he interfering and taking decisions that essentially they should be taking?

Also, where are your parents? If your parents have been okay with how you have been leading your life up until your brother arrived, why is he interfering and taking decisions that essentially they should be taking? Tell your parents and get them involved in the situation. They should be taking action to protect you from your brother.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 21st, 2019