Hey Auntie Agni!
I am a 14-year-old girl from Karachi. I am a dreamer and an open-minded person, but my family is not. They think that girls should only wear shalwar kameez and do housework from the age of seven. They also believe that by the age of 19, a girl should get married to a person of their choice. However, I am totally the opposite of my family. I am a feminist. I am afraid of the things they talk about. Whenever they say those conservative things to me I think of dying. Should I end my life because of it?
Tired of Patriarchy

Dear Feminist,
No you absolutely should not end your life! The point is that no one’s life is easy and really … that’s life. Ending it all is no solution. As an aside I want to say, if anyone reading this is feeling suicidal and the feeling is not going away, treat it as an emergency, tell someone and seek professional help as soon as possible. You can be helped! And if someone tells you they feel like ending their life, take him or her very, very seriously and support them in seeking professional help.

Back to the solution. As Auntie was saying, life is not easy. Those whose families are open-minded, have other issues to deal with. It could be bad grades, drugs or mental health issues. But I promise you, they have a set of issues they are dealing with too. Life is never just right for anyone, as you are discovering.

‘Should I end my life because my family is conservative?’

I suggest you start reading stories of individuals that society sees as successful. You will soon realise that is was never a smooth and easy road to success or to anywhere else. All those individuals definitely dealt with seemingly challenging obstacles, but forged ahead regardless. And many times the obstacle turned out to be their own families or relatives, who didn’t get them, thought they were crazy, and tried to hold them back.

However, if you are feeling like a feminist and know that you can do bigger and bolder things, stay with that feeling and chalk out a life plan. Let me warn you, you will have to put up a big fight for what you want. It is not going to be easy, but then nothing worth achieving in life is ever easy.

The world you will be inheriting will be very different to the one your parents grew up in. Your elders grew up in a world where girls dressed conservatively and were expected to do housework at an early age. There is, of course, nothing wrong with wearing shalwar kameez, nor is there anything wrong with doing housework. Although Auntie does feel that 19 is a very young age to get married, but that is just my opinion. However, if you are feeling like a feminist and know that you can do bigger and bolder things, stay with that feeling and chalk out a life plan. Let me warn you, you will have to put up a big fight for what you want. It is not going to be easy, but then nothing worth achieving in life is ever easy.

Yes, the world is done with patriarchy. Which is why people like Donald Trump get flak everyday and victims are stepping forward and identifying their harassers in the latest round of #MeToo accusations practically every week. Closer to home, the operation that foiled the attack on the Chinese consulate in Karachi was led by a woman. By a woman! The world is indeed changing. Your parents don’t see it, but you do. Stay with that feeling and get ready to stand up for what you want and step into a new world.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, December 2nd, 2018