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ADVICE: AUNTIE AGNI

September 09, 2018

Email

Dear Auntie,
I was in a relationship with a guy for more than six years, but I finally decided to call it quits. Why is the girl always blamed if she dumps a guy? After all, it’s her life and she has every right to decide about her future. It is not written anywhere that if a girl sticks to a guy for her whole life, only then she is loyal. And to assume that otherwise she has betrayed him.

Also, if a guy doesn’t find (I think it is more appropriate to say, never tries to find) a respectable job (which he has promised) he cannot start abusing the girl for his failures.
I am sure I have done the right thing.
Blessed

Dear Blessed,
Hats off to you for being so sure about how you are feeling. Auntie admires your confidence. You cannot control other people’s actions or their views.  However, I would like to say something here. Guys don’t ‘always’ blame the girl if she leaves them. Some guys do, others don’t. So we should refrain from lumping all men together and saying they ‘all’ do something. This is almost as bad as lumping all Pakistani or Muslims as terrorists. You know how bad that feels? Not all men are weird and not all women are smart. It takes all sorts to make this world.

‘Why is the girl always blamed if she dumps a guy?’

By assuming that you have betrayed him, your ex is looking to pass on the blame for the break-up to you. Right after a break up, one party usually feels rejected, so a backlash is not surprising. Let it be and refrain from replying to his jibes and taunts, no matter how tempted you are. Taking the high road will serve you well in the long-term.
Also if you feel you have done the right thing, then you have.   Hello Auntie,
I am a 19-year-old girl, soon to be 20, and suffer huge insecurity due to freckles on my skin which I know are adored in the Western culture and girls are dying to get them, but in my case I have to hide them so I can look good even without make-up. Need help! Also need a solution.
Freckled

Dear Embrace,
Auntie cannot give you a solution for your freckles because that kind of advice is beyond the scope of this column. Also I don’t want to give you any advice that will make you change something that is part of your natural beauty and should be embraced. Auntie loves the body positivity trend that has been promoted by the media recently. You are lucky to be living in this time when women with all types of skin, hair and bodies are being accepted and even celebrated.

Please embrace your freckles and understand that they aren’t ugly or something that you should be trying to erase. People are born with curly hair, green eyes, brown skin and you are born with freckles. This is how you look and you should definitely bring yourself to a place where you should embrace it. In any case, what is perfection? Is it a stick thin woman with straight long hair, an oval face and creamy white skin? Who came up with that definition? We should beware of such beauty ideals because they are definitely being dictated to us.

Beauty trends (that last barely a week) are usually promoted by the media to sell something. If you are feeling bad about your skin, it is because the media or other people are making you feel that way about it. Your freckles make you who you are. It is not an imperfection. Just embrace them.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 9th, 2018