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February 25, 2018


Dear Auntie,
I hope you’re doing well. I realise the fact that maturity comes with age and that if two people are supposed to be together, they’ll ultimately be with each other.

I will turn 27 years old this May. In all my life I have had three heartbreaks and the last one seems the most savage. I seriously wish my life would end because the most recent reason for my heartbreak works in my office. Though she is a very close friend, I never opened up about my feelings for her. Going to office for the past few weeks has been a daily battle. Every day I wonder whether I want to go there or not. The battle is between the two parts inside me, between the friend part and the emotional part and I so suck at being emotional.

Now this very close friend of mine is getting married to my other very close friend and ever since they both announced that they will be getting married soon, they expect me to be an absolute joker and give them my blessings, and be with them through their hard times. The friend part in me wants to stay, the emotional part wants to turn his back and burn every possible way they could ever reach me.

‘My heartbreaker works in my office’

The thought that once they go down the matrimonial path, this amazing friendship will come to an end, their priorities will change and I will be sidelined from their lives, is killing me every day.

I am so disturbed by this, and I believe you can understand this situation by just reading these random, incoherent thoughts that I have tried to express in words.
Seeking your advice.
One of a kind

Dear Too-Late,
Wait a minute; you just said that you never told your colleague about how you felt about her! That makes Auntie wonder, why, if you never declared your feelings to her, are you upset about her marrying someone else?

Things will become a little clearer to you if you look at things from your crush’s perspective. Auntie suggests you get into the habit of stepping into other people’s shoes to try and understand where they are coming from. It will serve you well in life.

So this crush-cum-colleague works with you and thinks of you as a friend. You like her, but could never muster the courage to say anything to her, and so she continues to think of you as ‘just a friend’.
She is not a mind reader.

In walks another man, who is attracted to her, gets friendly with her and quickly expresses his interest. Here’s another tip that will serve you well in life: women prefer it if a man is direct about his interest, without being creepy and disrespectful. The man who waits for Divine intervention will be left waiting.

Back to our story. The woman figured she liked man no.2 and now the two of them are getting married.

A decent woman will not assume you like her just because you hang out with her. She may know it but the average woman is unlikely to say anything unless her own feelings are intense. You have to say it. You have to have the courage to tell her and risk rejection. Yup! You may get rejected but there is only one way to find out.

So no, the couple is not expecting you to be an ‘absolute joker’ and be a supportive friend, because they have no clue about the cyclone churning inside you. It is time to bow out of the situation, be a good friend and support the couple on their wedding day.

If it hurts too much to watch them being happily married and meeting their #couplegoals on Instagram, you may want to slowly let go of your friendship with these two. And next time Cupid strikes, just be more proactive, find the courage and let the love of your life know.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to:

Published in Dawn, EOS, February 25th, 2018