Dear Auntie,
My problem is that I cannot take immediate decisions. I take too long to think. Now I have to decide whether I should take up my father’s work, or take up a job, or search for freelance work. This will be on temporary basis, but I cannot make up my mind.
Thinking

Dear Decide,
By ‘father’s work’, I am assuming that your father runs a business and you have a job waiting there. You have also not specified what you are interested in or have qualifications in. You also haven’t said anything about the nature of your father’s business. However, without knowing these details, Auntie feels that you should consider looking for a job. It will give you a better idea of a professional work environment. You won’t get special treatment like you are likely to get in your father’s business, which will mean that you will probably learn more on the job. So make it your full-time job to land a job, work there for some time. If it is the right fit for you, stay on, otherwise join your father’s business or go freelance, based on what feels right at that point.

Don’t over-think this, because that can be debilitating and you may end up doing nothing. At some point you need to close your eyes and jump and see where life takes you. Remember, there are no mistakes, there are only learning experiences. If a job is not right, you can always move.

‘I cannot make up my mind’

PS: If you are thinking of writing in, please give a few details like your age, qualifications, etc.

Dear Khala,
I am 22 years old and have loved a girl for the past two years. I want to marry her as soon as possible, but my parents say that I should first complete my studies, get a good job and then I will be allowed to get married. I am currently doing my bachelor’s. I fear that if I don’t get good marks I won’t be able to get admission in university and will not be able to apply for a job. But I don’t want to keep studying. I want to start earning money as soon as possible so that my parents allow me to marry. Please guide me.
Eager Beaver

Dear Calm Down,
You are still quite young, so Auntie is wondering why you are so eager to marry right away. Assuming that the reason for your urgency is that your girlfriend’s parents want her to get married soon, a lot depends on her. Is she strong enough to stave off marriage? Can she tell her parents that she wants to marry you? Will she succumb if her parents emotionally blackmail her into marrying someone of their choice? If she cannot do all of that, then there is really not much you can do.

A lot of men get pangs of anxiety, because they feel helpless when their girlfriends’ parents start considering rishtas. The fact is, in such cases the ball is in the girl’s court. She has to be strong-willed and able to take a stand, because there is little the boy can do. Also, if you are marrying so young, you are likely to face a lot of challenges and a strong will and the ability to stand up for yourself, will serve both of you well.

Coming back to your parents, it is obvious that they are thinking rationally. And thank God for that. You have to be able to support — both financially and emotionally — at least another person in your life before you marry. So it is only logical that you focus on your studies and on getting a good job before you take on matrimony. You might want to consider getting a job and studying at the same time. That might help expedite your marriage; however, work and study will take up so much of your time that you probably won’t see your wife much. So think this through and discuss it with your girlfriend. Make sure both of you are on the same page.

Also, does your girlfriend intend to work? How educated is she? If she is fairly well-educated and can land a job, it will make your task of supporting her easier.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, February 11th, 2018