When you really need a favour, ask in person

When you want to ask your colleagues for a favour — to review your draft presentation, lend some resources to an important project, or even to support you in your local charity run — it feels most efficient to send a group email.

But a new study finds that people tend to overestimate the power of their persuasiveness over text and email and underestimate how effective face-to-face requests are. Asking someone in person is far more likely to be successful. Remember that most people have an inbox full of requests from people. You don’t want your favour to get lost in that heap.

(Adapted from “A Face-to-Face Request Is 34 Times More Successful than an Email,” by Vanessa K. Bohns.)

Control your negative thoughts

It’s understandable that managers sometimes get frustrated with their direct reports. Maybe someone turned in an assignment late, affecting the timeline for an important project. Or perhaps an employee who has a less-than-stellar track record made a mistake.

Even if you’re good about keeping your annoyance to yourself, your negative thoughts are probably increasing your stress levels and damaging your relationship with the employee. To mitigate these feelings, try to imagine that your thoughts are transparent — that each of your colleagues can actually see what you’re thinking.

If that were the case, you’d be less likely to think awful things about other people and you’d be more likely to find a way to understand their perspective.

(Adapted from the HBR Emotional Intelligence Series.)

Leaving your job for your kids is OK

You’ve decided to leave your job because of your needs as a working parent — you wanted a more flexible schedule or a higher salary or to take some time off. Be prepared to be on the receiving end of some editorial comments about your decision.

Some might be clumsy (“Couldn’t take it, huh?”). Others might be well-intentioned but disheartening (“Be careful — my law school roommate left after her first was born, and she could never find a job again”). The comments have nothing to do with you, so ignore them.

Put on blinders and stay focused on running your own race, with the goals you’ve set for yourself — not the ones others set for you. Your boss may have some negative reactions, too — pushback, derision, irritation, disbelief. Empathise and focus on the positive: “I understand your point of view as a leader of the company, but I’ve made this decision as an individual, and a father.”

(Adapted from “When You’re Leaving Your Job Because of Your Kids,” by Daisy Wademan Dowling.)

If you feel ostracised at work, seek support

Anyone who has been ostracised at work — left out of meetings or important email threads, looked over for a committee position or ignored when making suggestions — knows how painful it can be.

Don’t ruminate alone about the situation; that will only make you feel worse. Reach out to people. Talk to trusted co-workers who know the situation. Perhaps there’s an explanation. Consider whether there’s anyone else that is also getting the cold shoulder.

Talk to them and see if your stories match up. You’ll feel validated if they do, and you may realise that the issue lies more with Joan than with you. Lastly, find people who do value your contributions and spend more time with them. Positive social interactions go a long way toward repairing your self-worth and confidence.

(Adapted from “What to Do When a Colleague Excludes You,” by Sandra L. Robinson and Kira Schabram.)

Limit how much you use your phone

We carry our phones everywhere, but always being connected has costs: In one survey 82pc of people said smartphones have hurt their ability to converse with others and 89pc said their devices have resulted in chronic physical pain.

It’s important to set boundaries around technology — and you don’t have to go on an all-out ‘digital detox’ to do it. Try small experiments: Leave your phone behind when you go to lunch or take a walk. Set a time limit for how long you’ll scroll through Instagram or Twitter, especially at bedtime.

And when the time’s up, put your phone away — not on your bedside table but a short walk away from your bed or even in the other room. Giving yourself these needed breaks away from screens will help you see that you don’t need your phone with you.

(Adapted from “Device-Free Time Is as Important as Work-Life Balance,” by Charlotte Lieberman.)

Published in Dawn, The Business and Finance Weekly, September 18th, 2017