Scene: A sparsely furnished, dark room in which EnEss sits alone, pensive. We hear a sitar strum. EnEss stands up, walks to the edge of the stage and addresses the audience. 

EnEss: Main keya, is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? Lagta hai I am caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

Voice from the Heavens: Open your eyes … Look up to the skies and see!

EnEss, startled, frightened, looks up: Who said that? Please, sir … I’m just a poor boy. Does that mean I need no sympathy? Just because I’m easy come, easy go … kabhi little high, kabhi little low? Chalo khair … Any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me … to me.

Ammiji, the way they are acting it’s as if I’ve killed a man … put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he’s dead. Mama, life had just begun … But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away! (Begins to sob.)

(We hear another voice crying, joining his.)

EnEss looks around, reaches out as if to comfort the sobbing voice: Mama, ooh, didn’t mean to make you cry. Don’t worry! If I’m not back again this time tomorrow, carry on … carry on as if nothing really matters.

(The sobs begin to die out. Soon, all is calm again.)

EnEss (talking to himself): Too late, my time has come. Ufff, just the thought sends shivers down my spine. Desperately in need of a Panadol because my body’s aching all the time … jism toot raha hai.

(Addressing the audience again, he says): Goodbye, everybody. Rub raakha! I’ve got to go. Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

(Looking up at the heavens, he raises both hands as if in supplication): Mama, oooh, qasmay khuda di I don’t wanna die. Te nalay what’s more, I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all!

(He begins to wail and walks off to a corner of the stage where a chair is placed next to a table with a dim, flickering lamp. He sits down, rests his head in his hands, and cries. The light of the lamp projects his silhouette on the wall.) 

General GHQ aka the greatest Fury appears on stage from left, followed by a battalion: I see a little silhouette of a man … Scaramouche!

EnEss: Scaramouche ki shai aye ji?

Gen GHQ, looks up at the Heavens and asks Mother Nature: Will you do the fandango, thunderbolt and lightning?

EnEss: Ya Rab, this is very, very frightening to me!

Gen GHQ: Galileo!

EnEss: Galileo? Sir, are you referring to Brigadier Gauhar Galileo, the new managing director of DHA Inc?

Gen GHQ: Galileo!!

EnEss (frightened, meekly repeats): Galileo?

Brigadier Galileo enters the stage, carrying handcuffs and fetters: Brigadier Chaudhry Galileo Figaro, at your service, sir!

Gen GHQ: Magnifico-o-o-o-o!

(Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo look at EnEss and smile menacingly).

Oh, mama! Mian Raza Rabbani, Mama! Mian Raza Rabbani! Mama! Mian Raza Rabbani, as chairman of our glorious senate, please request them to let me go!

EnEss: I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me.

EnEss’s mother’s voice: He’s just a poor boy from a poor family. Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

EnEss: Easy come te nalay easy go … main keya will you let me go?

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo: In the name of the lord! No! We will not let you go. 

EnEss’s mother’s voice: Let him go!

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo: In the name of the lord!! We will not let you go. 

EnEss’s mother’s voice: Let him go! 

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo: In the name of the lord!! We will not let you go.

EnEss: Let me go!

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo: Will not let you go! 

EnEss: Tuanu Rab da vaasta, let me go!

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo: Never, never let you go!

EnEss: Let me go, oh!

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

EnEss: Oh, mama! Mian Raza Rabbani, Mama! Mian Raza Rabbani! Mama! Mian Raza Rabbani, as chairman of our glorious senate, please request them to let me go!

A despondent EnEss accepting defeat, whispers to himself: I can see that these beelzebubs have a devil put aside for me … for me … for me … (He begins to sob, again.)

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? 

EnEss responds: So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Oh, baby, can’t do this to me, baby … Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo: Ooooh yeah, oooh yeah!

A resigned EnEss, to himself: Nothing really matters, anyone can see … main keya nothing really matters … nothing really matters to me.

Gen GHQ and Brigadier Galileo look at each other, smile and say in unison: Any way the wind blows…(Curtain).

Farid Alvie was born. He currently lives.

He tweets @faridalvie

Published in Dawn, EOS, August 6th, 2017