IN our society, there is a pervasive problem that, on the face of it, seems harmless enough, but that actually has an immense impact on families and society: the use of foul language and violence-laden vocabulary whenever we speak.

Often, some of us use such words in our daily discourse — they can be described as an accompaniment to the main dish. This can be observed in many societies in Pakistan. It is not only prevalent in families and social relations but in the political discourse and even in sacred places. The difference is that families use foul language, while in the political and religious arenas politicians and preachers use language that is loaded with violent meaning and accompanied by heightened emotions. Sometimes, members of the assemblies use such inappropriate language that the speaker orders their words to be expunged from the record.

This habit is also evident in places which are supposed to teach us morality, civility and good manners, ie educational institutes, particularly schools. In many such institutes, foul language can range from the mild (such as nalaiq bacha) to severely vulgar or abusive language.

This is hardly checked because it is taken for granted that teachers have a right to indulge in such behaviour. Not only this, but in many cases children are severely beaten. But such cases are often condoned with the excuse that this is done for the ‘child’s good’. This should not be acceptable to parents, education officers and society at large. There must be zero tolerance for such harsh treatment, whether mental or physical, meted out to children in schools.

The sacred texts teach us to speak in the ‘most beautiful manner’.

Abhorrent images have been published in the media where children have been shown in chains to make sure they are ‘fixed’, again for their ‘own good’. Often these kids come from poor families and disadvantaged social backgrounds, therefore, teachers are least scared of accountability. Children are also scared of reporting such brutalities at home for fear of punishment from their parents. So, the poor children are stuck between school and home, carrying their humiliation and mental agony with them for years.

Often children are abused even in their homes by their own parents for the smallest of lapses because they (the parents) believe they are doing this for the ‘child’s good’. Moreover, many parents, grandparents, and caregivers have no proper education on how to deal with children and their undesirable behaviour. Once, I studied some children’s views for a parental session, and conducted informal interviews asking them whether they had a message for their parents. The majority of children interviewed had only one message. All we want from our parents, they said, is to at least listen to us before they punish us. They never let us complete our sentences or listen to our problems, they complained, but soon start advising or punishing us.

I think parents, including myself, would generally agree with this complaint. Along with women, children are a disadvantaged group in our society. We need to work towards developing a child-friendly society. Children need adult attention and approval. Instead, they get hurt and are abused, which causes their self-esteem to go down.

Individuals and families have to learn to better communicate with each other, with affection and respect, free of abusive words and foul expressions. The human mouth is either like a bouquet of flowers, or it can breathe fire.

The homes and schools, institutions and organisations, and pulpits and assemblies should teach the language. Sadly, many of these places often use violent, foul and abusive language spoken in the loudest voice.

So, then, from where do we get serene, and peaceful language? If we read the sacred texts, they teach us to speak in the ‘most beautiful manner’ (for example, the Quran, 2:83). Allama Iqbal, in one of his famous verses, identifies the heart-warming speech (sukhan dilnawaz) and inspiring talk (jan pursuz) as part of the good qualities of leaders. Today, all organisations worth their salt seek ‘good communication skills’ in their employees.

A new language of communication is replacing the traditionally abusive and aggressive one. This is called ‘non-violent language’. Employing this teaches us, according to scholar Marshall Rosenberg, to use positive rather than negative language to communicate effectively. Management sciences, too, have developed ways of effective communication skills. There are many books, as well as simple articles, on the effective and friendly, non-violent use of language and communications that can attract all and annoy none.

To sum up, we should say no to abusive and violent language and, instead, speak beautifully and see its magical results. Let us eliminate violence through every way possible, including the non-violent use of language and communication.

The writer is an educationist with an interest in the study of religion and philosophy.

Published in Dawn, August 12th, 2016