Bates files

Published June 8, 2013

The mystery magazine

PLAGIARISM is a crime, do you know that?” Editor James Westwood asks the two interns standing in front of him. “Yes sir,” both the interns reply. “So tell me, which one of you wrote this story about Iraq?” the editor asks again. “I did,” the two reply in unison. “Bates, you have got to help me,” Westwood turns to his friend Alfred Bates, the famous detective. “These two interns have written the same story at the same time and I know one of them is lying. Help me exonerate the innocent one.” “What’s your name son?” Bates asks as he moves closer to the blond guy. “Alex, sir,” he tells. “You must have heard of Alexander the Great then,” asks Bates. “Yes sir,” Alex answers in affirmative. “He was a Macedonian king who by the age of 30 had conquered most of the world.” “Very good!” an impressed detective replies. “Your name?” Bates turns to the second intern. “Hercule sir,” the black haired intern says as he states his name. “Nice name,” Bates says while moving towards his chair. “You must have heard of Hercule Poirot then?” “No,” Hercule replies with a confused look on his face. “Is he also an intern here?” “No, he was a fictional detective created by Agatha Christie,” Alfred Bates tells Hercule. “He was the protagonist in many of her novels, including…” “Murder in Mesopotamia…” Alex cuts in. “Very good!” Bates says. “And Mesopotamia is Iran, isn’t it?” “No sir,” Alex replies. “Yes sir,” Hercule disagrees. “You have your answer here, James,” Bates says as he rests his case. “The yes one?” Westwood asks the detective. “No, the no one,” Bates states. “Modern-day Iraq was part of Mesopotamia, not Iran.” “But sir, I swear I wrote this myself,” Hercule pleads his case. “A Hercule who doesn’t know who Hercule Poirot was, he can be a good liar but not a writer!” Bates says as he sits down. “And how do you think I copied his article, if I did copy it as you say?” Hercule changes stance as he attacks the detective. “You could have gotten a print out while he wasn’t looking,” Bates answers in a calm manner. “You could have hacked into his email account, so many possibilities.” “I would have gotten away had it not been for you, mister!” Hercule says with a frown on his face. “Alfred Bates, the name’s Alfred Bates!” the detective states his name. “My friends call me Alfie or Freddie, whereas the wrongdoers have named me trouble.” “Thank you sir for clearing my name,” Alex thanks the detective just as Hercule was escorted by the guards. “No problem son,” Bates says. “Just remember that when you are writing, guard the piece with your life as there are people out there who would try to pass your work as their own.” “I will surely remember that,” Alex says as he shakes hand with Bates. “And don’t forget to send me this published piece,” Bates concludes. “I would cherish the memory when I am older.”

Opinion

Editorial

Digital growth
Updated 25 Apr, 2024

Digital growth

Democratising digital development will catalyse a rapid, if not immediate, improvement in human development indicators for the underserved segments of the Pakistani citizenry.
Nikah rights
25 Apr, 2024

Nikah rights

THE Supreme Court recently delivered a judgement championing the rights of women within a marriage. The ruling...
Campus crackdowns
25 Apr, 2024

Campus crackdowns

WHILE most Western governments have either been gladly facilitating Israel’s genocidal war in Gaza, or meekly...
Ties with Tehran
Updated 24 Apr, 2024

Ties with Tehran

Tomorrow, if ties between Washington and Beijing nosedive, and the US asks Pakistan to reconsider CPEC, will we comply?
Working together
24 Apr, 2024

Working together

PAKISTAN’S democracy seems adrift, and no one understands this better than our politicians. The system has gone...
Farmers’ anxiety
24 Apr, 2024

Farmers’ anxiety

WHEAT prices in Punjab have plummeted far below the minimum support price owing to a bumper harvest, reckless...