At the Olympic Games, a girl bumps into a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick.

“Excuse me,” says the girl to the man. “Are you a pole vaulter?”

“No,” says the man, “I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?”

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At an Olympic Games opening ceremony, the president of the country who was giving a speech started this way: “Oh,” he says. “Oh, oh, oh ...”

An aide nudges him, “Mr President, stop,” he says. “You’re reading the Olympic symbol.”

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“I have a problem with that silver medal. It’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won. Of all the losers, you’re the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you’.”

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The final round of the hammer throw event comes down to match between a Russian soldier, a Bulgarian farmer, and Larry, who lives with his parents.

The Russian throws first: 85 meters. Interviewed later, he says, “I’m from a military family, which gives me discipline.”

Then the Bulgarian throws: 88 meters. He tells reporters, “I’m from a farming family. This gives me strength.”

It’s Larry’s turn. He slings the hammer 95 metres, winning gold! Later, he explains, “I’m from a long line of lazy people, and I was taught, ‘If anyone ever puts a hammer in your hand, throw it as far away as you can.’”

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Why is the track team so talkative? Because they’re always discus-ing.

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Why isn’t sun tanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.

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Where does the track team keep its medals? In the pole vault.