President Asif Ali Zardari, center, FM Shah Makhmood Qureshi, right, and Japanese PM Taro Aso attend the Pakistan Donors Conference in Tokyo.

MUST apologise to my readers first off for using the word ‘craven’ so often during the past few months and years, but how else should one describe the way the Pakistani state has handled the most critical of matters that are heralding the death of the country itself?

From the Commando acquiescing to every heartlessly stupid action of Dubya and his band of idiots, to the present lot giving in to criminals and terrorists without a fight and handing over a part of the country to lawless and violent people, you name it and it will be something as craven and spineless as anything can be.

But somewhere else first. Whilst we have many other matters of import to discuss this week, just look at the way in which Pakistan was represented in Tokyo at the so-called Friends of Pakistan meet. I mean Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood actually had the temerity to call the $5bn that has been ‘pledged’ to Pakistan a great victory of Pakistani diplomacy, as a success of our foreign policy! I ask you.

Far more than the manner in which it was said, is what was said. Instead of hanging our heads in utter shame, we trumpet the fact that the world has granted us these alms to save us from ourselves? Indeed, is the fact that the Pakistan Army and its much-praised ‘agencies’ have given up the fight in Swat a success of our foreign policy? Is the fact that we could not find an FM radio station — there are many more now which will be jammed by the Americans we are told — a great victory for our core professionals?

Neither is what Qureshi said the end of it. Look at what the president of the Islamic Republic had to say: “Help us to help yourselves” or words to the effect? Meaning what, Mr Zardari? That we will become a bigger headache for the world if it did not cough up, and fast? Have we no shame left at all? The Commando going begging to the Americans was one thing, for he was an illegitimate dictator; must our elected government do the same and shame us even more? Even more critically, we seem to be saying to the world that if you don’t give us lots of cash, no questions asked, we will drown without trying to make even a weak attempt at swimming, and take you down with us.

With the Taliban becoming ever more emboldened (surprise, surprise) and demanding the hand-over of all the seven districts of Malakand division and Kohistan district (through which runs the Karakoram Highway, thank you very much), does anyone think the world will be fooled into handing out cash to a sinking entity? An aside: some villages in Haripur district of Hazara division are already infested with the Taliban. Who the hell do we think we are fooling?

Why did Asif Zardari have to go himself anyway, when no other head of state or government was going to be there, except for the prime minister of the host nation? It was a ministerial meeting and could well have been handled by the foreign minister and his officials.

But no. We simply have to do things in our own unique way. We could learn, if we wanted to reform, a lot from the way others around us comport themselves when they interact with their interlocutors. I can only pay tribute to the way the Iranians do it. If you notice closely, their foreign minister will always have a half smile on his face; his every word will be carefully weighed, and then spoken in a soft but firm manner. There is no breathlessness, no theatrics. Take the Indians. Their officials and political leaders will only meet their counterparts. When was the last time you saw Master Boucher, Hilal-i-Pakistan etcetera, and Gen Petraeus call on Sardar Manmohan Singh?

But leave all of that alone. Do our great economic planners and our Napoleons and Guderians and Rommels really think that even if, by some miracle, this dollop of $5bn was handed over to us in cash, today, we will keep the rampaging Taliban at bay? Will even $10bn cash help the immediate issue of the apparent loss of will on the part of the Pakistan Army to combat the most serious threat to Pakistan after the loss of East Pakistan?

No sirs, no! Act now, or forever be damned in the eyes of the people not only of this country, but of the world at large. I have written about this before, let me, one more time. There is no greater canard than the one being spread about these days, and which everyone, even the Americans, seem to think is true: that the Pakistan Army is only trained for conventional warfare and that the Americans have to come train our troops in the art of fighting an insurrection.

Nothing could be further from the truth. All that needs to be done is for our intelligence apparatus to start reporting the truth, and for the army to finally understand that its enemy is not on the eastern front but on the western. And that once what little is left of the so-called writ of the almost non-existent state of Pakistan is gone, the army too will be swept away.

I may also point out here that, like a lot of us, I do not think there is any danger of an attack by India. I think India has its job cut out in trying to make the lives of its people better; in industrialising itself; in bringing in foreign investment and tourists. What they will be extremely worried about is the take-over of Pakistan by fanatics, however, just as we would be worried if Bal Thackeray and gang were to take over India. All they have to do if that happens is to reinforce their borders.

A critical matter: we hear a lot about the great losses in men the army/Frontier Corps/Frontier Constabulary/police have suffered, which we mourn. But may we please have a breakdown in terms of officers/JCOs/NCOs and men, so as to come to an informed opinion on whether these poor unfortunates were properly commanded and led from the front.

Subaltern Winston S. Churchill in his book Frontiers and Wars has this to say about local Maj-Gen Sir Bindon Blood who was put in command of the Malakand Field Force to go to the relief of Chakdara on July 28, 1897 while he was at Agra. The general reached Malakand at noon on Aug 1. “The general-in-chief was confident and serene. He summoned the different commanding officers, explained his plans, and shook hands all around.” Chakdara was relieved on Aug 2. Nothing comes without honest hard work, sirs.

PS. Dr Sajid Kaul, great friend, generous philanthropist and above all else a good human being died last month. Yesterday, Aunty Hamida, fellow columnist Irfan Husain’s dear mother, hostess par excellence and wonderful raconteur, under whose roof all comers were welcomed, passed on. I am disconsolate.

kshafi1@yahoo.co.uk