Covering this space last week were men in midlife crisis. I laid them out on the psychiatrist’s couch. Today women are under the shrink’s spotlight. —File Photo

No, I’ve not turned into a ‘pop psychologist’ analysing men and women. But, the subject is too yummy to pass.

Covering this space last week were men in midlife crisis. I laid them out on the psychiatrist’s couch. Today women are under the shrink’s spotlight. You know how Americans love to split a ‘whole’, atomising it into fragments of wisdom. So, after following six studies on ‘Why are women unhappy?’ some ‘head doctors’ have concluded that women more than men appear joyless. Marcus Buckingham, writing for the Huffingtonpost says that women begin their life more satisfied than men, but wind up less satisfied. And by the time they turn 47, they are definitely unhappy! To be more precise, here are his two pet theories he has cast in stone: (1) Over the last few decades, women, in comparison to men, have become less happy with their lives. (2) As women get older, they get sadder.

Apart from Marcus’s received wisdom on the sadness of American women, what pulls me in are the 1498 and still counting comments pouring in from readers reacting to it. You do agree with me that ‘there’s a story in every one of us?’ So, let’s hear their stories — men and women. M (is for men) says women are selfish and instead of asking ‘What about me?’ they need to shift to ‘What can I do for you?’... it may not bring material prosperity, or even prosperity — but it brings out inner strength and true happiness. That’s priceless. Sure a lot of us men are jerks, but they understand this philosophy better than women.’ W (is for women) responds ‘As a 52-year-old overeducated and underemployed worker, wife and mother, I attribute the waning state of happiness in aging women to the pressure they face pulling a double shift in the workplace and at home, and on top of that are expected to be the giving, emotional buoy of their families, and to remain fit, attractive, and positive while doing all this heavy lifting. For me, the pressure to keep all trains running on time and in good order erodes whatever feelings of happiness I might at one time have been nicely in touch with, it is crushingly exhausting and at times defeating. I can’t quit, but I sure can feel like crap while doing my damndest to keep it all together.’

Bravo!

Biology isn’t destiny... but it is tendency, says M and he advises women to be less sensitive, in all sorts of situations, in order for their happiness quotient to rise. ‘No,’ disagrees W, whose husband left her for a younger woman, leaving her to raise their child. ‘How I got through is another story but now I’m retired and finally at peace with myself. Women can be happy if they are allowed to be. We just have to take our freedom as we find it.’

M interjects: ‘Ladies grow up! I can see that a lot of men haters here define how happy they are by trying to get men miserable in any way they can. They blame men for their unhappiness. Like ... men never do household work and hence we are unhappy.’ W butts in ‘Men get a better deal — more money, more leisure, less stress, better sex, longer lives. They work shorter hours then us leaving them enough energy to work out at the gym or play golf. At work, we’re ‘detail-oriented’ so that our male bosses can be the ‘decision-makers.’ At home, we ask them (nicely of course) to ‘help with’ certain household tasks which they rarely do well.’

Unhappiness is born of repressed anger. Here’s a ‘workhorse’ who is ‘simply sick and tired of living in an aggressive culture that doesn’t value human life and support the well being of families.’ She does her best to raise her children, care for her spouse, her aging parents. ‘We run the office, the household, the elementary school fundraisers. We invest our time, energy and financial resources in trying to make a positive impact in the areas of life that truly matter — we nurture. But the world is largely run by power and money addicted fools doing everything they can to ruin it!’

A suburban mom has a different take. ‘Sometime ago I decided to be thankful rather than resentful. I have a loving husband of 14 years who adores me, brilliant children, fantastic family and an amazing group of women friends who support me in my life. Worry and fear are the greatest cause for unhappiness and dissatisfaction. To combat that, I live my life simply with no debt and fulfilling modest needs. Instead of shopping when stressed, I read or do something soulful with my time. My household eats well with a backyard garden, we watch NO television and limit all media intake. As women we need to go back in our hearts and live our most authentic selves.’

Another contented woman says she’s not ‘drained’ because she’s not materialistic. ‘I hate shopping; I’m not a ‘clothes horse’ and I don’t feel the need to look like I’m twenty years younger than I am. I like my life simple — no credit cards, no massive debt... just trying to enjoy family and things that really matter to me.’

Another housewife who takes the ‘driver’s seat’ in managing family finances says her husband has ‘no problem’ with her wearing the pants. ‘Just because I’ve chosen to be a work-at-home Mom doesn’t mean I’ve checked my brain at the door!’

An unmarried science teacher says she looks forward to returning to the sanctuary of her home that she shares with her girlfriend. At work I generally do my own thing and ignore all the petty gossip issues that the women tend to jabber about incessantly. Sometimes I avoid the faculty lunchroom altogether and go outside with my sandwich…

So peaceful. But when my housemate returns, all she does is refocus on all of the petty things that have annoyed her all day. Instead of being able to tune out, I have to listen, well sort of. She wants to find a new career, as if a new work environment will be any different.’

M has the last word ‘Women perseverate (I just learnt a new word!) too much on all of the petty little things instead of just ignoring them, like men do. That if they focused on work and filtered out the gossip and petty relationship issues, work wouldn’t be all that bad. This is why I think women are having a hard time coping in the working world.’

What do you think?
 
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