Midlife disenchantment often reflects ‘pressure of time, with folks in their 40s caught between family demands and long hours at work,’ say psychologists. —File Photo

Let’s lighten up. Ramazan is behind us. What better subject to discuss than men? Especially those caught in the jungle of midlife, thrashing through the elephant grass trying not to end up on the other side of the swamp called ‘Camp old age.’ But, hey, how long can you put off ageing?

And why not dwell on men for a change? Literature on women’s ‘midlife crisis’ has become a favourite hobby horse of male writers who love nothing more than putting down women in the throes of menopause. ‘Oh, poor thing, she’s menopausal,’ how many times have I heard men proclaim.

Recently I hit a mini-jackpot when I innocently came upon the ever expanding field of ‘happiness research.’

Featuring prominently on its pages were men in their 40s pulling down hefty paychecks and holding fat bank accounts. And yet these guys were miserable! They wanted more. Of what? That they could not really say. With a fleeting summer, I often see aging Romeos zipping across in their convertible sports cars. They make for an intriguing portrait. The sunlight catching the golden-blond streaks flying away with abandon and a tan that tells of vacations spent in sunny climes sailing on the sea.

With autumn already rearing its wintry head – rain and cold has come early on the East Coast in America – the middle-aged rich and successful men of Manhattan get more restless. The reason assigned to male misery is put down to the ‘U-shape’ pattern of happiness. ‘You’re happy when young, sad when middle-aged and happy again as you accept getting old,’ a Wall Street banker who lives in the suburbs of New York tells me. He’s on his morning commute to work and I’m taking my little grandson to show him the sights of New York. We hopped on to the train which by the way is an utter delight ever since it became a double-decker! ‘My son is the same age as this young man with you. He goes to a good school. My wife is a successful attorney and we have two very cute puppies who love us unconditionally. So what else do I want?’

Go ask your head, I say in my head.

Midlife disenchantment often reflects ‘pressure of time, with folks in their 40s caught between family demands and long hours at work,’ say psychologists. ‘In middle age when you’re at the peak of your robustness, many men feel that time is fast slipping through their hands. In a bid to race with time, many end up exhausted and depressed.’

But soon enough, many get a boost as they get another digit added to their salary cheques. It gives them a tingling feeling that is alas temporary. Remember the ‘U-shape?’ Well, they return to their depression once a healthy account portfolio has been achieved. Experts call this see-saw a ‘hedonic treadmill’ or ‘hedonic adaptation.

Well whatever… Down with pop psychology, I say. Bring back the spirituality that fasting brought. Better still drink deep at the ‘Meditations of Marcus Aurelius’ who said that men seek retreat for themselves, houses in the country, seashores, and mountains. ‘But this is altogether the mark of the common man, for it is in your power, whenever you shall choose, to retire into yourself. For nowhere with more freedom from trouble does a man retire than into his own soul, particularly when he has within him such thoughts that by looking into them he is at once perfectly tranquil… Constantly then grant yourself this retreat and refreshment; let your principles be brief and fundamental, which, as soon as you shall call them to mind, will be sufficient to cleanse the soul completely, and send you back free from all discontent with the stale things to which you return.’

The ancient Greek ends with a question: ‘For with what are you discontented ? With the wickedness of mankind?’

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