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Super Sis
Dear Super Sis,
A girl who is in the other section of my class is very sweet. For a long time I want to talk to her but I can't. It’s almost a year but I haven’t been able to talk to her, though she also knows me. So, could you please tell me a way how to talk to her and make her my friend soon! I am not talking about ‘girl friend’; actually I don’t know how to talk to girls. So please help me out.
Prince Charming
Girls in general will warm up to guys who behave casually around them, rather than the ones who come on too strong or behave too desperately to get into their friends’ circle. So PLEASE refrain from saying stuff like, ‘Can I be your friend?’ or the eternally retarded one-liner, ‘I want to make friendship with you.’ Stuff like this is just plain gross.
Also, remember that she is just another regular person like you and the rest of your classmates, so don’t elevate her to goddess status in your head. The more you make yourself believe that she is a class apart from the rest of your friends, the more unreachable she will appear to be. You say you see her every day; well, the next time you see her, just walk up to her casually and strike up conversation on any regular topic such as, say, a difficult subject you are studying these days or any upcoming school event, etc. Give her space, see how she reacts to you first, and respond accordingly. If you see her smiling and indulging in discussion, that’s your green signal to hang around. But if you see any negative response from her side (eye roll, smirk, disbelief, sarcasm, etc), casually close the conversation and move on.
Don’t push yourself on your first meeting. See if you bump into her again the next day and again, remain casually relaxed while you strike up polite talk. Nothing weird or awkward, please. Sometimes, even a sincere ‘Hello’ can work. If you strike the right chord, you will find her befriending you in her own good time.
In the meanwhile, don’t fixate yourself only on this girl. Remember, you go to school for a purpose i.e. to study, so focus on that first. The rest of the things will sort themselves out in their own good time. Cheers.
Dear Super Sis!
I am a teenager. A friend of mine ‘W’ is a well mannered and a disciplined girl. But the problem is that she is always asking for money and never returns it. And moreover she always discusses her personal matters, which I don’t like. Initially she pretend that she is in a fix due to some financial problems, then after few months she told that she got engaged with her paternal cousin, who is a ‘richie rich’ according to her. And they daily have long chats, dine out in big restaurants, shop in expensive malls and late night long drives, and on, and on... But she is still asking for money. I am fed up of her irritating behaviour. My other friends don’t like to share our company with her, and they all reckon that she got a psychological problem of frustration and society complex. Please help me out how to get rid of her or is there any other way which could lead her to the right path?
Gang of Girls
I can understand that this girl, W, must be coming across as irritating to you because of her endless whining and money problems. But are you sure your other friends are not influencing your thought process – it sometimes does happen, especially if your girlfriends are telling you that W is ‘Oh so irritating’ and ‘Oh such a loser’, you must be forced to think a lot of nasty stuff as well.
Now, getting down to solving the problem. You need to understand that at school, you will often meet a number of people who don’t pick up on things unless they are clearly communicated across. You have complained about W to me, but have you or any of your friends ever let W know that her behaviour is getting intolerable? I don’t think so, and that is why she keeps on behaving the way she does.
The next time that you are with her, take her aside and tell her you need to talk to her. Be a friend and earnestly tell her what ‘people’ have been saying about her. Don’t take names and don’t be mean or catty, but clearly let her know that her behaviour is ruining her own reputation. Also let her know your own vulnerability: tell her that you have limited pocket money and you can’t keep on giving her money like this forever. If you have time, make a list of all the times she has ‘borrowed’ money from you and show her how hard it has collectively been on your own pocket.
I know it sounds like a gutsy thing to do but you must do it if you earnestly want to help her and yourself. It will be a learning lesson for her and you won’t have to end up feeling guilty or bad either because you won’t be abandoning her.
Once W gets a reality check, she will realise what she had been doing wrong and mend her ways. In the meanwhile, as a good Samaritan, don’t ditch her. Stick around when she needs you, and as time goes by, you will find your own comfortable space somewhere between your gang of girls and W. Good luck.
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