September 15, 2007

Dear Diary,
The heavy hammering sounds woke me up very early in the morning. This is what I hated the most. I was always angry or sad and everything that came my way was extremely loathed. I pretty much hated everything. My friends kept away from me due to this attitude of mine but I did not ever bother to change myself because no one liked me. But this is what I liked about myself; I always was what I was. Anyways this hammering in the early morning annoyed me and I woke up, losing the sight and almost all the clues of the most wonderful dream I have ever had. I was sad all day long.

Jerking my head to remove all distress, I immediately went to the washroom and refreshed myself. The hammering was still audible. Ignoring it I quickly went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. With the mug in my hand I reached my front window and investigated about the hammering. It was raining outside. “How exciting,” I remarked sarcastically to my happy sister, and sat on a nearby chair to enjoy my coffee. If there was one thing I hated the most, it was rain. The sky was overcast by dark clouds and perfectly normal weather changed into horrible wet menace. I stared at the clouds aimlessly and for me they were nothing less than a big problem to deal with. The markets would remain closed and reaching our destinations in time would get difficult. Why does it have to pour all the heavy load of its own body on us and change everything normal into a complete disaster? With that thought there was a thunder and I dropped my mug, staining my favourite shirt. I went to take a bath.

When I came back, I saw my sisters and brothers playing soccer ball with their friends. I placed my chair near them yet away from the rain and was watching their game when a thought so true, so deep and life changing struck me which made me drown in my own personal selfish mind, a thought so strong that it changed my thinking.

All this time I had been blaming the rain for bringing unhappiness to our, and particularly my, life but that one moment led me to think that it really depends on how a person thinks. My siblings thought of rain as a great time to enjoy their favourite game, while I thought of it as a chaotic moment of defeat of my personal happiness. I asked myself the reason why I hated rain and the answers, which were all very logical, cleared the fog from my head; I realised that I was unable to accept any changes life makes me go through, that I am a person who runs away from things instead of facing them boldly. Instead of coping with these problems I tend to hate them (like every other thing I hate). On the other hand the problems were very diligently faced by my siblings and the example I saw was when they were enjoying their lives while problems poured over them like heavy rainfall. The lesson I learnt there was that life itself is not a smooth journey but smoother it would be if problems coming our way are dealt with sensibility. These little moments in life are what helps you understand your attributes if you are ready to accept life. Here I learnt the meaning of life; to face the problems that stand your way.

This thought had a deep impact on my mind and I thought more about life, this time staring at the broken grey mug, the mug which reflected my attitude and my feeling, which represented my insides and also my outside. A question suddenly popped in my head like a wizard making an appearance out of nowhere. Do people who face problems really have it strangled from the roots? Does happiness come their way or they go out searching for ways to be happy? My nature was such that I needed grand things to be happy about and probably this is the main reason why I was always sad and away from the sweet candies luck tended to present me at every nook and corner of my already messed up life. Suddenly the clouds cleared from the sky and in front of me was a sign of happiness, a sign of the ending of troubles and starting of a new sky, the beginning of a new life, not that it was something grand but just a mixture of colours in the sky and somehow I felt joyful on the inside.

The clouds parted and the rainbow shined
Red, yellow and blue all the colours divine.

At this point my whole life changed, I marched towards the mirror and saw my reflection, a reflection of a sad grey person which apparently had no particular reason to live. My eyes fell on the broken grey mug and my stained shirt (could see a bit of coffee) and I realised the flaw of my behaviour. The state of happiness and sadness in a person’s life depends upon the way his or her mind thinks.