August 18, 2007

Goodbye’s the saddest word I’ll ever hear
Goodbye’s the last time I will hold you near
Some day you’ll say that word and I will cry
It’ll break my heart to hear you say goodbye.

—Goodbye's (The Saddest Word), by Celine Dion.

The pretty little girl, dressed in a pink frock and white shoes painted with glittering butterflies, had tightly clutched her Mama’s arm, and was weeping uncontrollably. Today was her first day at Montessori, and her class teacher was gently trying to pull her away into the playroom. ‘Mama noooooooooooo!’ She screamed. ‘Don’t leave me here... I want to be with you... forever.’ The agony of separation was so intensely written everywhere upon her — the feeble broken voice, flushed tear-stained cheeks, panting sobs, and the tension in her young muscles. Nothing could pacify her, not even the stuffed animal toys her teacher had brought or the colourful candies her Mama was showering upon her.

Yet the inevitable had to arrive, no matter how hard she tried to resist. Her Mama grew vexed, scolded her a bit, and firmly pushed her forward. Even this three-year-old now knew that she has no other choice, wiped off her tears, and reluctantly uttered, ‘Goodbye, Mama.’ These words were the most painful ones she had ever uttered during her short life. Yet she knew she had to bear it, and hesitantly turned her face towards the room filled with other little kids, turned her face towards a new life of learning and experiment.

It is said that little ones represent nature in its purest form, and this girl is no exception. As we grow older, society and our own ego and dignity perhaps teaches us not to appear emotional and cry upon most of the changes occurring in our lives, except, of course, the extremely serious ones. Yet this girl above so clearly symbolises more or less the agony we still suffer upon every change, which lives within us and is never revealed. For this girl saying goodbye was only for a matter of few hours before her mother would return again to pick her up. But we older ones periodically have to see moments where we have to bid farewells that we dislike, to people, things, and places we know we would never see again, or for a considerable period of time.

We have to leave things with which we have formed deep emotional bonds, which have only strengthened with time. Then time without them seems uncertain and gloomy, sometimes unbearable. Seventeen-year-old Sania, now in college, recalls her last day at high school. “I was numb that day. I walked here and there, up and down that imposing brown building, my home away from home. Ten years! Ten years! I kept repeating to myself. Ten years had passed when I had first joined this school... and I was regretful that still I hadn’t enjoyed my time there to the fullest. I just saw the sweetest of memories everywhere —classrooms, desks, library, big sheltering trees, basketball net, staircases, and even bathrooms. I just couldn’t swallow the fact that I was leaving it all behind... forever... I could never bring that time back. I could never again sit in my classroom, amongst all of those really great people, my friends and teachers. Of course, I didn't cry, but my heart felt immensely heavy for many weeks.”

Just like anything, change is a part of life, and it’s happening around us all the time. Nothing stays immutable. Children grow from those happy-go-lucky, bubbly little brats to sober, purposeful young adults within a few years. They further grow up only to leave their comfortable homes for higher studies abroad or get married off. Seasons change — you have just soaked yourself completely into the warmth and vigour and bright sunshine of summer that you realise that autumn is approaching, which, of course, signals the arrival of the bleak, subdued winter. Even the maps of the world change — patches of paper allotted to countries that didn’t exist as little as a decade ago can now be seen. Nations and economies go through continuous cycles of downfall and boom, of dazzling wealth and devastating poverty. The weather is changing due to global warming and the greenhouse effect —every year is warmer and unexpected areas are experiencing floods and drought.

‘Goodbye’ is a special word that symbolises change — it’s either said or subtly understood. Change either turns things from better to worse or vice versa. However, when the former happens, it pains so much! We then say goodbye to many beautiful, upbeat emotions we had experienced in those gone situations The more we linger on to enjoy a few more seconds of that experience, the more agonising it gets to part. Emily Dickinson accurately reflects, ‘Parting is all we know of heaven and all we know of hell.’

For twelve-year-old Fasi, leaving Karachi grew hard because he had been accustomed to its environment since birth and couldn’t settle down immediately into a new one. He himself narrates, ‘Last year my dad who is in the army was transferred to Islamabad, so the whole family had to shift with him. At first I was thrilled with the idea of travelling in a plane, and felt no regrets. Sadly, my first few weeks in Islamabad were awful! There is a dreadful silence prevailing in the whole city, death-like silence, I must say. Dear old Karachi is such a throbbing, bustling metropolis, bubbling with so much life and noise of humans, trucks, car horns, stray dogs -- you name it. In Islamabad even the chirping of sparrows was hard to hear! And the air is too dry and solid that it gets intolerable. I love the soft sea breezes of Karachi. I have settled down somewhat now, but at the start life here had seemed simply empty and listless.

The amazing thing is that once the initial stage is over, people soon settle into their new lives. They make new acquaintances, adjust to hardships or find solutions, and appreciate the new fine things like fresh vibrant colours into their lives. In fact, often they get so engrossed into their busy lifestyles that they hardly find time to catch up with old friends or families, or reflect over past moments. This truly demonstrates that human nature conquers everything.

When my uncle was migrating to London, he was a picture of gloom and apprehension. Leaving home meant leaving places and people who make you feel secure, comfortable and loved. He felt extremely vulnerable and weak going out into the open, entirely varied world, living amongst unknown faces and surroundings. Yet upon reaching there, real hard work helped him settle down successfully. In fact, he rather started to enjoy life there. He loves its liveliness, diversity, world-class resources, magnificent beauty and countless eateries and cultural attractions! So we can also look at the brighter side of things. Why can’t change be enjoyed, rather than endured? It has the power to take our lives to new levels.

Nevertheless, in life we also have to say goodbye to people we would never be able to meet again, i.e. they depart from this world. This type of goodbye is the most painful of all. Life seems horrendous and anchorless. We find a vacuum inside us. Perhaps we were dependent upon that person either emotionally or financially. Perhaps that loved one acted as a shield against several elements that could damage us, so now we feel vulnerable and defenceless. And the future looks darker. If the death is unanticipated, our entire world seems to collapse. But we have to be strong in such moments, like a rock. I know it’s very hard, but that’s the only option we have. Such moments can either make or break us, and we must choose the former. Take the loss of a loved one as the greatest motivator of your life, as a trigger to shoot even higher. Instead of wasting your time mourning for the person who will never return, push yourself harder. You would then be truly paying homage to the great bond of love that still exists between you and him.

And above all, one thing clearly emerges: live each and every moment to the fullest! Enjoy the antics of your baby sister, the tight hugs from your aunt, the ticking off from your friend, the secret entry of the unpopular neighbourhood cat into your bedroom, the shrill chirping of birds at dusk, the crisp wind of winter and your father’s burnt chapatis. Open your heart and embrace life as fully as you can, and it will open its arms to you. Forgive your loved ones’ small mistakes. Ignore the ugly side of things, they will always exist. Show intense love towards everything, and you will find a new calm and serenity residing within you. Create beautiful memories that you can treasure for a lifetime. No, I am not idealising. Our lives and the other lives around us are so brief, so transient, like the flame of a candle as Shakespeare has said. The sad truth is that we don’t realise it right now. Life is God’s gift, so it’s best to utilise it fully. Goodbye!

Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love — George Eliot
...But then it’s too late to turn back...