August 19, 2006

Do you feel that nobody understands, cares for or loves you?

Do you sometimes feel lonely and sad about something, while at other times this feeling is there without a reason?

Do you feel like a failure, worthless and even at times a ‘nobody’?

Do you sometimes feel like crying for no reason ?

Do you feel very angry at people around you?

You are not alone in this, there are many who feel like you, and for whom it is an every day reality. Sometimes it is hard for even you to understand why you feel the way you do, yet you feel that way and it is very real. As you are growing up, there are more responsibilities, pressures and accountabilities coming your way. Juggling assignments, coping with the pressure of exams and getting good grades, meeting the demands and expectations of friends, teachers and family; all of this makes your mind feel like a pressure cooker. You feel like you are stuck between between phases, or crossroads. Trying very hard to live up to your cool image, you secretly yearn for the simplicity of childhood; while at the same time you want to grow up quickly and be independent. Life doesn’t look all that easy, it doesn’t seem fair, and above all, it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

You probably might shrug your shoulders and say: “Who cares! That’s the way it is! Right?” You are right — almost! Because going through life and not living it, also feeling too much or too little isn’t a desirable way to live, considering the fact that you get only one go at life. Your moods affect and disrupt not only your own life, but also that of the loved ones around you. If you don’t figure out your emotional landscape now, chances are that you never will, and you might grow up into an angry and depressed adult.

Why does one feel blue, sad or depressed?

Why the feeling of persisting sadness, futility and negativity overtakes a seemingly normal and happy life is something not easily explainable. But in layman’s terms, being blue, or depressed, in its extreme form is a combination of outside factors (abuse, neglect, traumatic events, conflicts, difficulties at school and at home), internal changes (chemical, hormonal changes and imbalances), genetic dispositions (family history and background of illness).

The tendency of being blue or depressed in its extreme form makes even normal, healthy people stop dead in their tracks, making life seem bleak, empty, useless, black and hopeless. Although people who are sad and depressed may keep on moving forward physically, they are barely living or connecting emotionally. Being blue is hardly any fun. It stops you from enjoying life and all that which life is offering you. Staying uncurbed, this tendency leads to depression, which is paralyzing.

What are its signs and symptoms?

• Stress, low energy and exhaustion
• Self-esteem issues · Frequent sadness, tearfulness and crying
• Hopelessness and a sense of futility
• Boredom, decreased or loss of interest in activities
• Social isolation
• Poor communication skills
• Feelings of guilt on common problems in your life or in others’ life
• An unrealistic fear of and extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
• Increased irritability, anger or hostility towards people and unexpected situations
• Difficulty in sustaining meaningful relationships
• Frequent complaints of physical illnesses, such as headaches and stomach-aches
• Poor concentration
• A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns
• Talk of or efforts to run away from home

How serious is it?

You may exhibit some of the symptoms or all of them; however, it’s the degree of intensity and manageability of these symptoms which matters. Feeling blue sometimes is something normal and natural. As long as you are able to snap out of the blue mood on your own, it is okay. However, if the feeling is persistent, is interfering with your ability to function and disrupting your daily life patterns and of those around you, then these blues might be depression, which is an illness requiring serious medical attention.

Analyse your behaviour patterns

Most of the symptoms listed above are experienced commonly because of our stressed lives, but their intensity and frequency are what make them worthy of attention and alteration. So listen to your body’s signals and mood patterns; analyse what they are trying to tell you. If you want others to pay attention to you, you first have to learn to take yourself seriously and treat your body and mind with respect. You need to listen to the kind of signals you are sending yourself. If you are telling yourself things like: “I Suck!”, “This would never change”, “I am a loser”, then it probably would not. Have the courage to accept the responsibility to steer your own life. Be realistic enough to recognise and accept that some days can simply be bad, your mood could be down with or without reason; and that no matter what, in the end you are the one who has to carry yourself forward.

Change your routine

Being stuck in the rut of life causes boredom and makes you vulnerable to the onset of blues. The feeling of being blue is often indication of stress. It might also be your body’s way of asking you to either slow down the pace of your life or accelerate it. Blues or depression is also an indication that the familiar routine isn’t working for you anymore; be it studies, your social life or your habits, or even the people in your friends’ circle. Thus, you need to take up new hobbies and meet new people. You also have to learn to adopt a healthier life style. Vigorous exercise releases the negative energy that depression stores in your mind. Meanwhile, healthy food fortifies your brain’s chemicals, which in turn helps you in warding off the blue moods and negative thoughts.

Try talking to someone — let people in

Yeah, right! You probably have, and no one has listened, or doesn’t care enough to listen. Well, maybe you weren’t talking to the right people, or you might have been overburdening them. If this has been so, then it’s time to analyse your choices in terms of friends and the type of bonds you share. Probably those people weren’t your friends in the first place because bring able to talk to a close friend is a real blessing. You could also try talking to your school counsellor (if you have any), to your favourite teacher, your parents, or an older sibling or cousin. Don’t scoff in disbelief! Letting in a trustworthy adult on a situation would allow you to have the grown ups’ perspective of the situation; it would earn you his/her trust and confidence as well. You would discover that certain people can indeed be of help, but only if you are willing to let them in.

Write on

If a patient, sympathetic and non- judgmental listening ear is not available, then start scraping away. Start writing a journal, even if what you write looks like crap. Freestyle writing clears your head and is very liberating. Create a personal file on your computer (keep it password protected to keep those nosy siblings away).

Want to go cyber and connect with likeminded people? Go to any of the following sites and make an online, free and personal diary:

www.diaryland.com;
www. blogspot.com   
www.livejournal.com

Get involved with someone else’s life

Alongside trying all this, you can make an attempt to take interest in someone else’s life. Start reaching out, try helping others. Get involved with an NGO, volunteer for a project, adopt a cause. Reach out to people on the community level as well as the personal level. Sometimes in order to be listened to, you have to listen to others’ problems as well. You might even discover that the person whom you are talking is experiencing similar problems or even bigger issues. This would broaden your own vision and would also put the magnitude of your problems in perspective.

Conclusion

There are three types of situations in life: the ones you have to resolve; the ones you have to ignore; and finally the ones you have to learn to live with. Think in terms of what you are missing right now in thinking about a situation that you have no control over. So have faith that nothing lasts forever, and that implies to your problems and your moods.

Whenever you find your nose pitted against the dark wall of depression, try to envision life beyond it. If something is disturbing you, try analysing whether it would still matter ten years from now, or if it is worth beating yourself down right now. Try not to make your problems bigger than they actually are. In short, your blue moods may at times make life seem like a dark and dreary place, but do remember that this is as temporary as the dark clouds in the sky.

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