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Laugh it off!
Patient: How can I live to be a hundred. Doctor?
Doctor: Give up smoking. Stop drinking. Don’t go out with women. And stop eating meat.
Patient: And will I live to be a hundred?
Doctor: Maybe not, but it will certainly seem like it.
Receptionist: Doctor, the Invisible Man’s outside.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him without an appointment.
Patient: Doctor, what can you give me to keep my falling hair in?
Doctor: How about a matchbox?
Patient: Doctor, what do I take for a splitting headache?
Doctor: Have you tried glue?
Optician: I think you need strong glasses.
Patient: How can you tell without examining me?
Optician: I knew the minute you walked in through the window.
Patient: Doctor, I think I’m a bridge.
Doctor: What on earth’s come over you?
Patient: So far, ten cars, three buses and a truck.
The guest paid his bill at the resort hotel and as he departed, noticed a sign saying, ‘Have you left anything?’ the man went back and spoke to the desk clerk, “that sign is wrong,’ he said. “It should read, have you anything left?”
My aunts talking parrot escaped from his cage and flew out of an open window. Of all the dangers the tame bird would face out door alone, she seemed most concerned about what would happen if the bird started talking.
Confused, we asked her what the parrot could say. “Well, she explained, “he mostly says, “here , kitty kitty.”
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