DEAR DIARY: Home, Sweet Home (Feelings of a depressed child)
By Madiha Shaukat
I am a child of this society with a lot of emotional problems. These problems can’t be solved because these are beyond my limits. I had a past full of love but now I haven’t the same happy moments because my parents separated and since that very moment my family shattered. Now I live with my mother and my little brother lives with my father. I don’t know what the real reasons behind the divorce were, but the one thing that I do know is that I am sad and my life has been adversely affected. I want it all back. I want the same past when we used to live together.
We made sure that the whole family gathered for dinner. I was very happy in my home. My little brother was with me. I remember the time when we played a lot of pranks together. Once we set the fire alarm to awake our parents in the middle of the night. I also miss the time when we went for morning walks with our dog. My father prepared breakfast for us especially for my little brother.
We no longer have dinner together; I have to prepare my breakfast myself. I feel lonely on the morning walks as my brother has kept the dog. I miss the laughter of my family; my family photos are not on the walls anymore. I have also set my parrots free because my brother wanted to see them flying in the air but now I can’t myself breathe in the open air. Everybody asks me about my family; some of them do this so that they can make fun of me and my family.
I have no answers to their questions. I don’t have answers to my questions either so how can I answer the queries of others. My life is so disturbed I can’t face the world. I want to tell my parents that you separated because of your own selfish reasons; you did it because you felt that it was the best thing to make the circumstances better, but why do I have to suffer due to no fault of my own? You stole the happiness from my life. Parents try to give their children a bright future and try to make them better and confident human beings but you have shattered my personality.
When I tried to stop you from getting a separation, you told me that I was too young to get into these affairs. I always took you as my friends but at that moment I realized that you two were nothing more than a set of selfish parents. I felt a communication gap for the first time.
I still love my family — my shattered family. I still have my family photo in which every body is smiling but now it has a crack in it. I am in search of happy moments. I tried to forget my past many times but I just can’t, the memories come back stronger and stronger in my mind. I can’t understand one thing, that is, why don’t parents think how the separation or divorce will affect us (their children). My brother is just three and is too young to understand what’s going on. However, he does miss me and mom.
I want to tell my parents that they have wronged me and my brother deeply and that only once can they please, for our sakes, reconsider this decision.