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Never really meant to
Dear Diary!
The duppata dangles over my shoulder as I walk on the road, I always jeer at the people who are offering their prayers. I prefer to speak cheekily even in front of my parents, whenever they ask me to do some thing useful. Speaking the truth seems to be a joke. Neither do I care to help out those who are deprived or downtrodden nor have I ever thought of taking care of my younger siblings rather teasing and bullying is something which seems so irresistible.
Spending hours in front of the computer is really pleasing but when asked to offer prayers, I just put it off by saying that I have to finish an important assignment. Never had I liked listening to music in low volume, despite knowing that any ailing person in the neighbourhood needs peace and quiet. Bravely, I lie in front of my parents and teachers as well. Though I feign to be a good and responsible citizen of my country, whenever I am on a recreation or outside, I throw away my leftovers irresponsibly on parks and roads. Literally, the secret of my happiness lies in the disturbance of others. Amassing money is an incorrigible habit of mine, though whenever a beggar follows me for alms, I shove the needy. Each time my grand parents call me to give me a piece of advice or injunction, I just escape them. Killing of birds and animals is a gratifying passtime for me rather it gives me satisfaction. Pinching from mom’s wallet whenever I want to buy anything secretly. Most of my time elapses in front of my pc visiting strange sites.
I like doing all that has been despised by my Allah. But dear diary, the evil I do nags me sometimes though apparently I look calm and smothered. My scruples literally disturb and warn me that somehow or the other I will have to pay for what I am doing, each time I intend doing anything wicked; I feel a great pleasure in doing evil things. Whenever I do something evil, I feel a voice behind me, which calls me to come back from strayed paths because I was not sent on the earth for this.
I am the best of all creatures, sent on this earth to praise Almighty Allah and do well for mankind. I daringly confess that I have been a great sinner, a misled soul. I have forgotten or deliberately ignored the purpose of my creation. Despite being a sinful person, I expect forgiveness from my lord because Almighty Allah bestows forgiveness on those who sincerely ask for it. I promise that I would try to lead my life as ordered by Allah and would become a modest and submissive person, whose purpose of life would be to use all of his abilities to do good and to carry out all the commands ordained by Allah and my life would be spent according to his holy orders (Insha-Allah).
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