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COVER STORY: How to enjoy summer the nasty way!
Planning a summer is essential to most people. Some plan to visit some foreign country or some hill station, some plan to stay at their cousins house; they have a ball of a time. But what about those kids who are unable to go anywhere and have to stay at home for some reason, is their summer meant to be spoiled?
Well, most think it is, but it can be enjoyed too. There are ways to enjoy your vacations while staying home. Let’s check out a few ways to enjoy summer the nasty way. I and my gang have been doing this for years, and I certainly will recommend this for nasty people, specially those who have nothing better to do.
Establish a gang
The gang is the basic thing to start with, as you would not have much fun alone. and you certainly don’t want to be identified as odd with no back-up. It would consist of friends that think alike, and enjoy the same nasty things. Your gang should not really be extremely large: two nasty boys, and three nasty girls, (five just seems the right figure for all such activities), and at least one of them should be a tomboy. The reason behind this is that boys always think and do what they think is right, girls always think and do what they think is right, so there should be a tomboy in the gang who would be able to understand both sides, and then take the best decision.
One important thing is that none of the members should be a weenie. All members should trust each other, so that when you get caught; you can trust your gang to stand up for you. Also, every member should take equal part in everything, no matter how risky. (It’s not necessary, but always helps if at least two members of the gang are your cousins from some other place. This always reduces the risk!)
Decision-making
You need a leader for everything, but in a gang, nothing of that sort exists. Everyone has the right to express their own views and suggest what activities to undertake. Now, this usually ends up in fights. Girls don’t want anything too risky, and boys want the activity to be daring. That’s where the tomboy comes in handy, and mainly, she gives the final word, but not always. But, it is important that every member of the gang should be happy and satisfied with whatever decision is taken. Otherwise, one or two members would refrain from participating and from their reluctance the whole mood would get spoiled.
Urgent resources
You, for once, must let go of the Internet, movies, novels and everything else and be prepared for some action and real fun. Now you need some accessories for your nasty activities. You should own a couple of rags or discarded clothes about which your mother would not launch into a lecture if spoiled. You need clothes that can be roughly handled. Jeans and loose T-shirts that once belonged to your sweaty older brother are the best. Yeah. Your appearance is important.
Then you’ll need some small but important things like a couple of laser lights, a few huge boxes of matches, some firecrackers, etc. You really should practice your running, and voice skills. And if possible, get a pair of walkie talkies.
Codes
It’s very important that the gang should have its own secret language as well as codes. For example, when you say “hello” that means that the enemy is near, and if you are in the house, and there is trouble in there, then the remaining members of the gang must remember the code, e.g. one of the windows have the blinds or the curtains drawn. And if a member needs more confirmation, then, he/she should phone and ask for a member of the gang, and if the answer is “you’ve got the wrong number”, it means that there is trouble in the house and you should stay away from it. Codes come in handy when there is trouble, you could always make up some weird sound or gestures that indicate something.
It’s very important that the members should all know these signals and signs, for example, if you are pasting a poster on a car, and if another member sees the owner coming then he should call out, or contact that team member on a walkie talkie.
The member who keeps watch should remember all the codes, and specially, when to use them!
Missions
Now that you have the resources, and the codes, get to work! First of all, use the matches. Now, all you have to do is go ahead, and light up the whole tennis court that is near your house, as long as it is deserted like the one at the University of Karachi. Besides this, you can light up a bonfire in the ground behind your house.
Your safer missions might include spying. Just follow your elder brother around. And he would never know that he is being followed. You must never lose track of the purpose of following him. Maybe you wish to discover whether he is really into drugs or not.
Wake up early one morning and steal all the newspapers from the neighbouring houses. As long as the owners of the houses are not beasts it is fun. This can be dangerous, but a stolen apple is sweeter, isn’t it? And if you think that this would piss off the neighbours a bit too much, then be content with ringing the bells of all the houses in the vicinity early in the morning, as long as there isn’t a baby asleep in the one of the houses. It’s no point disturbing innocent souls. Right!
Another activity could be that in summer, many people decide to have parties or celebrations, that means that a lot of cars would be parked outside the house, so make posters with the message “For Sale, Contact (blah blah blah) with trade discount 100 per cent”. And paste these on the back or the front of the parked cars. That’s a real sight when the owner discovers that his new car is for sale!
The most fun part is using laser lights, and making enemies. Now, all you have to do is to throw the laser on someone, and when the other party gets angry, you should run for your life, because, it’s always possible that the people that you are trying to piss off may also have a gang of their own, and hence, in the beginning, it is advisable to develop your running skills and be extremely reflexive.
You should look dumb, but your mind should be on high-alert, because no one knows from where the bomb may descend. You should learn to hide and walk discreetly. You should always be careful to have three people keeping a watch on the backside, and two people watching for enemy attack from the front.
In these situations, walkie talkies come in very handy. Or you could even use a cell-phone, but that’s too much of a show-off, carry practical stuff.
You can fight with the kids next door. That’s a lot of fun, specially if their gang is bigger than yours, because, if they have a larger number of members, then there is a lot of misunderstanding, and they probably are not as well-equipped as your gang. But never underestimate your enemy, because this is sure to cost you dearly. Besides this, look for disposed tube-lights, and blast them in a deserted place. The sounds that you hear are totally unmatched and awesome.
Well, these are just a few things that you can do to liven up your summer, but I am not responsible for the consequences. Trust me, these activities have already got me and my gang into a lot of trouble. People suspect that when we are together, we are jinxed, and tend to do something dumb and dangerous, but we have not found a better way to live through summer vacations. It is definitely a joy-ride while it lasts, but the fun is over the minute the coaster comes to a stop.
P.S. Just yesterday, we received a long lecture from the mother of the kids next door. Better do these things only if you don’t mind getting into trouble!
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