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COVER STORY: Self-improvement
(Lives of great men serve to teach us) we can make our lives sublime And, departing, leave behind us Footprints in the sands of time.
We’re all in pursuit of something just beyond us. We want to be smarter, more successful, thinner, better-looking, etc. Why do people want to improve some aspects of their lives? (Unless they think they are perfect, in which case they need to improve by becoming more humble.)
Ali, 21, says, “I want to be remembered after my death. I want people to say ‘He was a great man’ when I am not around, so I try to be very helpful.”
Farah, 19: “My life is so disorganized. I feel like I spend the whole day toiling, but to no end. Nothing is accomplished at the end of the day, and yet I feel exhausted.”
Sana, a 22 year-old housewife: “Everyone complains that I don’t do enough for them, even though I do everything for others and not myself. Or do I? I need to put my life in order to see where I’m going wrong.”
Basit, 14: “I hate everyone, and everyone hates me! I’m so angry and upset all the time. I need to get a leash on my mouth.”
Maria, 15: “I feel so fat and ugly. All my friends are so trendy, but I’m really dowdy. I want to change my image.”
Everyone wants to improve, and employs many or at least a few ways for self-improvement, because he or she does want to be liked, respected, accepted, and be famous, popular, and above all, be happy.
Temperament — This is your nature or disposition, and it affects your temper. A cheery temperament will lead to lesser temper outbursts, and vice versa. So have a nice sunshine nature. Smile often, look pleasant, or just give a good message through your eyes. You don’t have to be overpoweringly friendly or cloyingly sweet, and especially not fake. Mean what you say and say what you mean, and those things should be positive.
Temper, temper — If you take things in life too seriously, everything gets to you. Take everything lightly. That way you can keep your temper under control. If something is bothering you, force yourself to smile and let go anyway. Distract yourself and speak very calmly. Sometimes, of course, you do loose your temper, but you can make things better by apologizing. Even when you are angry, don’t use strong or offensive or abusive language of which you will be ashamed later. And I am sure that none of you use physical language to express displeasure. Meaning to say, when angry, keep your hands to yourself.
‘You’re never too old to learn’ about anything and everything. Enlightenment is a great blessing. It’s good to read material on current affairs, science, geography, technology and development, and also different kinds of literature that give you insight into human nature. Don’t we all admire knowledgeable people, and marvel at those who don’t have the basic facts, like where a certain country is or how many sides a hexagon has? These are all things one should be aware of after a certain age, and for this one has to read, read and read.
Co-operation — Sometimes you’ve got to stop thinking about yourself for a while and consider those around you. If you can’t help anyone practically, you can at least sound sympathetic. Words like ‘don’t worry’, ‘I’ll try to help’, etc sound so good to others. Discouraging or hindering words should be banned from your vocabulary. And if you can’t take away any one’s work load, be considerate and don’t add to it, like if you can’t do the dishes for your mom, at least clear your own dishes and wash them up.
Kindness to plants, animals and humans, can make our world ‘like the heaven up above.’ There are a hundred and one very small things you can do to make the world smile. Leave out bowls of seeds, crumbs and water for birds, water the plants in your house, help around the house with chores, do small favours for others, use good words, and just wear a smile. Kindness includes not taking others to task too much, and overlooking their faults and mistakes as much as possible, like forgiving someone for breaking your perfume bottle. You can give cold water to people out on the street, and give your extra food or clothes to the maid or to beggars. My sister buys chips, naan, etc, all for under fifty rupees once a week, and gives them out at various places. For the hungry beggar children it’s like Eid, and it costs her just Rs 200 per month. She also gives out things like old slippers and sweaters, because these are things the adult mafia can’t snatch from the little children.
Mind your language and speech! What you say and how you say it makes a lot of difference. It shows who you are and where you come from. If you speak calmly, in a level, pleasant voice it gives a good impression, but if you speak too loudly and too quick, people might be put off, or if you are too shy and stumbling, they’ll think you’re no good.
Healthy, wealthy and wise — eat and sleep well. Exercise regularly and don’t stress out too much, for a longer, better life. Be good at what you do, and for that, you have to be very dedicated, focused and hard-working. Good saving and spending habits now will help you manage your affairs later.
Say no to gossiping, hatred, jealousy, bickering, picking fights, defamation etc. All these things lead to a lot of fights and misunderstanding. Don’t indulge in all these things please, because you will never be happy and you’ll spoil others’ lives too. Just mind your own business, because what goes round comes round.
Humility — Although everyone loves to talk about themselves, no one really wants to hear it, so don’t go on about yourself. Don’t think you’re too smart or special, because there are many people out there who are better than you are. So don’t try to prove to others that you are worth more than they are. We are all the same.
Organization — Get your life in order. If you’re having a problem with that, get a planner, write down your daily schedule, and try to do as much as possible without wearing yourself out or driving yourself crazy. Keep things in their place so that you don’t waste time looking for them. Do things on time, and if there is a deadline to meet, do your work sooner rather than later.
Neat and tidy — If you have only your own room to take care of, keep the bed fresh and made. Decorate your room with some titbits. Remove all extra material. Keep your drawers clean, as well as your wardrobe. You can do it on a weekly basis if it is too tiring after school. If you tip your maid a little extra, with a smile, she’ll gladly do it all for you. Also, don’t trash your roads, school, homes etc.
Groom yourself from top to toe — Get a good haircut, then shampoo and condition your hair regularly and keep it well styled. Don’t wait for the grease to start dipping or dandruff to snow on your shoulders before you take a bath. Once a day or in two days is it. Remove excess facial hair if you are allowed to do so. Brush and floss your teeth twice a day. Use baking soda and salt keep them white and shiny. Brush your tongue too to remove bad odour. If you have bad breath, use mint, gums, and hydrogen peroxide. Give yourself a weekly manicure and pedicure. Wear clean, fresh-smelling, ironed clothes. Use a nice deo. These are the basics, and after this even if you’re not split-second fashionable, you’ll still be a pleasure to be around.
The point of the whole exercise is to be able to enjoy life, so don’t take it all too seriously. Don’t become sombre and serious and all that, accounting for every minute of your time. Just get your life in order, but don’t forget to have some good old fun, because otherwise what’s the point?
Evaluation — If you want to know where you’re going in life, why not keep a record of everything? That way, you’ll know whatever you’re over- or under-estimating your efforts for self-improvement.
You can make a monthly booklet and fill it in every night before going to bed, and here are some suggestions for what you can keep track of: Prayer, reading, punctuality, temper, kindness, behaviour, academics, cleanliness, grooming, diet and contemplation.
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