January 18, 2003

Ever heard of these new computer viruses? (We presume you’re familiar with the newsmakers mentioned)

• Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down.
• Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a Mac.
• Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
• Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
• Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care.
• Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it’s there.
• Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.
• Tonya Harding virus: Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons.
• George Michaels virus: Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup .
• X-files virus: All your icons start shape shifting.
• Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
• Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored
• Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them
• Sony Bono virus: Just when you get surfing the Web, a firewall appears out of no where
• Martha Stewart virus: Takes all your files, sorts them by category, folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop
• Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB
• Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. But it will be back. — The Disk Doctor

Please Visit our Sponsor (Ads open in separate window)