May 08, 2008

Saima Salman pays tribute to all the mothers who fail to fit the definition of supermom but prove to be super human in more ways than one.

If you believe for one minute that the title ‘supermom’ aims to compliment your abilities as a care-giver, you are living in a fool’s paradise. The simple fact is that they have invented this niche for women who are expected to do everything in life and not demand any pampering in return. The pressure is now for all moms to fit into that niche or else be considered incompetent. Although the term ‘mother’ in itself should suffice, and make one understand the hardships involved in simply being a mama, unless the woman earns her living, cares for her children, has a healthy social life and on top of it all looks and smells like a million dollars she is not considered a ‘supermom.’

Nobody remembers the moms that are terminally ill, whether physically or mentally, on Mother’s Day. Those are the true heroines that battle life each and every day; shamelessly we only remember the ones that God has bestowed with health and energy and a zest for life that enables them to face a mother’s duties with confidence and zing. What about the hundreds that fight their own failing health and yet put on a brave face for their children?

My mother didn’t work a day in her life outside of her home. Her social life was limited to keeping abreast of the neighbours’ well being. And her husband and children cribbed about her every quirk. She wouldn’t fit the cliché of supermoms as we know them today but in the end she proved to be super human in more ways than one.

It’s fashionable to talk about bi-polar disorder these days, the women oriented television shows are proof of that. But does anybody even come close to comprehending the kind of dilemma it poses for women who suffer from this ailment and have to hold the responsibility of rearing kids. It is a Herculean task even for a healthy, mentally sound woman like me to care for my children, constantly worry about them, stay up nights, and pre-empt their every need every minute of my life. How my mother, with the turmoil inside her head, did the same for us is beyond belief.

I am a product of my mom no matter that she was unable to attend every school function of mine or that she couldn’t wake up some mornings to pack my lunch or that she had to ask my dad for any money I asked of her. She taught me everything I know today and strove to be what they call a ‘supermom.’ I have super strength because I saw my mother wake up each day, drowsy from her medicine yet singing her favourite wake-me-up songs. I have super courage because each time she went for a blood test, which was frequent, and I would stare up at her wide-eyed and concerned, she would smile her most cheerful smile as though we were there, waiting for ice cream sundaes.

I have the confidence to be whatever I want to be because she taught me how she was held back every step of the way by her siblings, who felt she was too weak and would fail, and that I must never let that happen to me. I can face any adversity because I watched her bear my father’s tantrums with a brave front and stood by his side as he travelled earth’s most hellish destinations due to his job.

I am an excellent caregiver because I remember her nursing me back to health from a bout of measles while we were living in a place where no health care was available for miles around. I learnt that even in one’s moment of utmost physical pain one must consider the comfort of one’s loved ones as she portrayed in her last days when she would always ask of the well being of her new son-in-law. “Ask him to have a seat,” she whispered in my ear as she was poked by a cannula. She spent her entire life loving us in the face of severe criticism for not being a ‘supermom,’ for not measuring up to the world’s standards and for having bad days like most human beings.

It is time children realise that the person who needs them the most is the person they neglect the most. Wearing the garb of a supermom or not, she is a human being who puts your needs way before hers. I wouldn’t wish for anyone to have to say the following line. The one thing I don’t have anymore, despite such a great example to have lived by, is my mother, my hero.