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August 4, 2005
Motherhood mumblings
Those women who are fortunate enough to pursue a career, know the feeling of independence and jubilation of holding a pay cheque in their hands, writes Saima Salman
Through my kitchen window, I enviously watch women going off to work early in the morning, as I wash my children's pink and blue breakfast bowls. Once I saw a well-dressed woman in her mid-twenties clutching her satchel like bag nervously, as she weaved her way across the busy street to hail a bus. My heart lurched as she nearly missed the bus.I was that girl a few years ago, confident and ready to take a bite out of life. Back then, I could be at ten places at a time and take a leisurely lunch break. My reverie is quickly broken by a howl from my younger child having been pushed by the older one.
For the past four years I have been on autopilot. Nature teaches women the basics of motherhood; therefore, no woman has ever needed a degree to raise a brood. Those of us who are fortunate enough to put our education to test by pursuing a career, know the feeling of independence and jubilation of holding the pay cheque in our hands. It is the outcome of ones’ toils, sweat and blood, affirming you as a productive member of society. One never forgets this feeling of elation.
The only emotion that manages to override this sense of pride, is the joy of holding your newborn for the first time. Even the excitement you feel after making the first professional breakthrough –– whether it was an article with your byline or a dull student preparing for the exams under your tutorship and doing well –– is numbed by the thrill of tiny fingers wrapped around yours as the one-year old takes his or her first steps. But then that’s as far as it goes.
A mother has the ability to block everything and everyone out of her mind in pursuit of what she does best, i.e. nurture her young ones. Therefore between changing 10 diapers a day, swimming through waves of sleepiness to rock your child, or singing the silliest of rhymes or doing the most difficult jigs to entertain your three-year-old, a former working woman never forgets that she can do so much more with herself.
That feeling can be encouraging when you remind yourself that soon your children will be old enough for you to go back to work, Yet, it is frustrating at the same time when you realize that there are at least two more years before your youngest is ready.
Readers should not get me wrong, there are a number of choices available. Often women resort to leaving their children with their in-laws or parents, while they work. Usually single mothers or those that need to support their spouse monetarily, make this choice. But what about those women who are fortunate enough not to have such hardships in life.
Most mothers will agree that motherhood is a roller-coaster ride. There are peaks and then there are the lows. There are days when the food you cook tastes like paper and your little one doesn't stop crying and your older one doesn't stop jumping on the couch.
On days like these, we think to ourselves that if only we had spent more time in the kitchen before getting married and a little less time traipsing around looking for a story, then maybe things would have been different. If we are not even good mothers then why in the world are we wasting our time?
At the end of the day there is an ache at the base of my back but a look at my cherubic angels peacefully ensconced in their beds makes all the troubles fly away. For the time being that is.
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