|
|
|
June 23, 2005
The overseas Pakistani onion
The first thing you notice about some Pakistanis you meet abroad is the way their eyes roam all over you. Be it a man or a woman, they do not leer at you or comment on your attire but assess your entire being by just looking you over.The first thought you imagine that might be running through their heads is: She doesn’t cover her head therefore she must be a ‘bad’ Muslim; she wears tiny tees and jeans so she must be an even worse Muslim, and oh is that a pierced eyebrow; Haram! Haram!
When I landed in the conservative American south to study at a university, I expected to meet ‘Americans’. Having an image of liberal, westernized people with open minds, I approached the handful of Pakistanis at the university in a friendly and cordial manner. Even though I was accepted warmly, there was a twinge of discomfort, a tiny flicker of uneasiness that was covered by sweet salaams and concerned how do you dos.
But sooner rather than later, I noticed a trend in the conversations I had with the Pakistani and Muslim girls on campus. Sitting amongst them, an almost outsider with my liberal dressing and their snowy white hijabs and long-sleeved tunics, my uneasiness steadily increased based on the sittings I had with them.
They prided themselves for not talking to the boys or ‘men’ that they studied with unless they absolutely had to, they boasted about their ability to abstain from ‘partying’ like the Americans did; and viciously and voraciously tore apart the reputations of Pakistani girls who did anything outside of their ‘norm’.
Moreover, they took pride in hanging out with people who shared their skin colour and were decent Muslims. Talking to a non-Muslim or even being friends with them was a crime in their little sorority. If the person one was conversing with was male or Hindu, one was to be prepared they were going to be the night topic of these girls. The female gossip attack on ‘fresh bloods’ did not stop there. Some girls were even known for making up stories to put in more spice in the night’s gossip session.
But one cannot judge these college-going students on their views as you cannot blame anyone for believing what they believe. Yet when one sees the very same girls dance up a storm at a club that they were sure no one they knew would be at, it leaves a bad taste in the mouth. One word describes such blatant acts — hypocrisy.
There are different layers in the ‘onion’ of Pakistani religion and nationalism. As with every corner of the globe, you have people who defy the conventional stereotypes and are exceptions to the rule. But when stereotypes are taken into account, we flock groups of people together that seem to fit a particular picture.
In the US, one would place the ‘hypocritical’ students on one end of the spectrum and most of the Pakistanis coming from Pakistan at the other. The moderate Pakistanis from both Pakistan and America would fit in the middle.
In other layers that constitute this onion, one can state that there is a layer somewhere, unknown to me, that is religious, culturally secure and not hypocritical, one that lives to see the good in all people. This thin layer is said to exist, but I have yet to peel skins with or to encounter such individuals.
Amongst the group of hypocritical Pakistanis, one does find one or two who deviate from the norm. These moderate Pakistanis are the ones that keep a balance between the cultures that they have adopted — the Pakistani and the American. These individuals will converse with and be friendly with people from all over the world, with colour and religion, without prejudice.
They will go out with them but not drink, adhering to their religious beliefs, which the people they are with learn to respect. They stand on the thin line of balance and manage to be friendly with both sides of the coin — the seemingly religious and secular extremes — and be friends with all kinds of people. They believe in multiculturism and celebrate diversity without giving up their own culture and beliefs.
The disadvantage of being everyone’s friend is that in the end, these moderate Pakistanis are no one’s friend. They live to be liked by everyone and do not side with either group in times when loyalty is tested. One can suggest that these moderate Pakistanis are probably the best politicians of all, the ones who can keep all sides happy without losing face and friends.
The other extreme, which is very noticeable, are the students who come to study in the United States from Pakistan. Leaving their parents’ nest back home, most of these individuals flutter in the joys of newfound freedom.
Freedom equates to having the ability to do whatever one was unable to do back home due to parental constraints. I shall leave it up to the reader’s imagination as to what these college-going students get up to, but it would suffice to say that the link between these individuals and the other extreme, is that these students are normally the ones that fuel the endless fire of Pakistani gossip.
The one thing that ties all the Pakistanis in this part of the world together is ‘Pakistani politics.’ This type of politics should not be confused with the social and governmental issues of Pakistan as this is more to do with the social life of different Pakistanis and their soap operaish lives.
Being the proud bearers of the same colour and religion, most Pakistanis flock together, no matter how bad the ‘politics’ might be between them.
So it is not surprising, at all, after awhile, to observe that all different layers of them converse and sit together. Each one knows what the other one thinks, and each one knows who is backbiting about whom, but an unknown thread still ties this group together. While there are rifts in the group at times, overall there is contentment in the layers of religion and culture.
To some this appearance of cordiality that Pakistanis put up might seem hypocritical and untrue, but one has to admit that when the Pakistani nation needs to put up a face to hide what they truly feel, they are among the world’s best.
After all, our soap opera of college Pakistani politics is reflected in our political realm, where one smiles and stabs another in the back. As one walks past this group representing the ‘land of the pure’, one hopes that along with a good college education, this group learns to be true to others and themselves with time.
|
|
|
|
