November 25, 2004

Girls are paraded before prospective in-laws in their own homes. Aasma F. Shah complains about this abominable custom

Have you ever thought about how a decoration piece feels when it is displayed in a showcase. If it had a heart how would it beat when it saw someone approaching, having a look at it and then leaving, presumably rejecting it.

I wonder what goes on in the mind of a girl when she is dolled up and displayed in front of a set of bride choosers thinking that a better future is around the corner. What the products can’t sense, unfortunately, humans can feel.

A girl displayed in a drawing room carries within her a heart that beats every time she enters the room, hoping against hope that it would be the last time. Ask a girl and she would say that the only personal reason she wants to get engaged to anyone, as soon as possible, is to quit this practice that tortures and insults her tremendously.

Those parents, who believe in this rishta system do unspeakable harm to their own daughters. Unfortunately, in the mutual exploitation of a marriageable girl, the marriage brokers, the larka wallahs, and the girl’s own parents are all equally involved. The plight of the young girl starts ain her teens. A dream that has been fostered in a girl’s mind by her parents, begins with the arrival of the first marriage proposal.

The first time round, though she is nervous, a girl feels confident of herself. Unforunately this confidence is short-lived as eyes begin to scrutinize her and her surroundings.The confidence is further shattered when the girl realizes that she is rejected on the basis of her skin colour, hair texture or height; things that are utterly beyond the control of any human.

The dilemma of the larka wallah’s is unimaginably ambiguous. On the one hand they want the best piece in the market which should be well educated, has an established background, and the looks of a model. But at the same time she should be sadhi bahu (read stupid), who will burn all her knowledge as soon as she enters the kitchen.

If a study is conducted in Pakistan parents will realize how their daughters suffer through this practice. The self confidence that a girl gets through her education and upbringing changes to resentment by people she hardly knows and most probabaly will not meet again in her lifetime.

Sometimes girls retaliate and take things into their own hands by making hasty decisions which they regret later on.

Parents should realize that girls are being exploited this way.

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