May 13, 2004

Shazman Shariff writes about some women whose strength and determination changed their lives and those of their families

Nafees’ battle with the adversities of life began when her father remarried after her mother’s death. A change in her father’s attitude and her stepmother’s behaviour towards Nafees and her three younger brothers made her realize that it was time she stood on her own two feet. Although she was hardly 20 years old and a matriculate, she took on the job of a telephone operator, when money, besides love and attention, began to be rationed at home.

“My salary was Rs1,600, enough to cover my personal needs and my brothers’ school expenditures,” she says. Nafees knew how to handle those who started talking and frowning upon her working. “I told them that if they wanted me to stay home, they should give me money. After that no one said a word.”

Besides her job, Nafees was also embroidering for neighbours to supplement her income and save for rainy days. Her stepmother’s treatment worsened when her father fell ill and they had to shift to a smaller home after selling their own. When some relatives felt sorry for Nafees and her brothers, they offered to let them move in with them, an offer Nafees accepted quite happily.

She toiled day and night to provide a stable life for her brothers, a commitment she’d made to see through as selflessly as she could. She saw prioritized her brother’s needs above hers and suppressed her own desires, even if it was a craving for a new outfit. “I was both a mother and a sister to them,” she says, adding that it was this thought which gave her the strength to sustain her struggle.

When one of her brothers completed his matric, it was the first fruit borne of her devotion to her siblings. She encouraged him to work and financed him to open a video film shop in partnership with someone. When some money began to flow in, she decided to move into a two-room house, which she rented for Rs600 a month.

Soon Nafees was able to furnish her home and purchase other domestic items through ‘committees’. Things were starting to look up but she was so preoccupied with her life, that she didn’t think about getting married. “How could I when there was no one to take care of my brothers? I have an elder sister but she was already married and not around.”

Prosperity made some headway in their lives when their father began to help them from time to time. Soon they shifted to a bigger house and Nafees too felt some respite in her personal life. She got to know her prospective husband on the telephone but she says she made the biggest sacrifice of her life by agreeing to become his second wife. “This was the only way in which my brothers could continue living with me.”

Today, Nafees is 45, and earns Rs10,000 at the same job. She has two children and lives with her brothers who are all well settled. “My brothers respect me a lot; they have paid off my struggle and sacrifices,” she says, adding that she owed much to her husband since he had remained supportive throughout these years. But, in one respect, she feels history is repeating itself. Her brother’s wife passed away some time ago and left behind three young children. Nafees is equally glad to look after them, the way she took care of her brothers.

Another story is that of Zehra’s whose hectic job hardly allows her to recollect the changes and commotion that crept into her life after her father died in a road accident in 1983. She was 10 years old then, but had to be mature beyond her years to share the onus of responsibilities that fell on her mother’s shoulders. “My age of innocence was spent looking after the home and four siblings while my mother went out and taught,” says Zehra, and ruefully adds that she could hardly recall a time when she was able to play like other children or enjoy her childhood.

Financial constraints had made life difficult for her family and it bothered her to see her mother single-handedly fight against the severity of life. “I was good at my studies, so I started giving tuition to classmates when I was in Class VIII.” This proved to be a good source of income and soon students from junior classes also started going to her for tuitions. She felt indebted to a school-teacher who taught her stitching and gave her work from a garment factory.

“I made Rs1,000 a month. Though my mother also worked, we were barely able to make ends meet with the money we earned.” Life unfolded more difficulties for her when her mother suffered a heart attack. Zehra was 20, but was saddled with great responsibilities like tending to her ailing mother, looking after her siblings and the house, as well as giving tuitions. “Relatives are the first to abandon you when your financial condition collapses,” she says. However, she was grateful to have the support of friends who helped her ward off her troubles.

Zehra discontinued her studies when she started working as a montessori teacher at her own school. She still remembers how her salary was a mere Rs375. Meanwhile, she strained every nerve to get her siblings admitted into school and finished her matric. “My toils made me stronger, more responsible, and self-reliant as compared to my counterparts. I hated taking favours from others.”

To earn more, she began teaching two shifts and in the late evening gave tuitions. “My head would spin with stress and my body ached for rest, but the house rent, monthly rations and school fees of my siblings were all financed by my income and I just could not sit back. I killed myself to earn and it went on like this for years. I would leave home at 7:30 am, often without breakfast, and would return after dusk.”

After abandoning her teaching and joining a welfare organization, where she was offered Rs3,000 which proved to be a welcome break. A fraction of her load was also shared when her brother began working at a hosiery factory. Zehra, although not a bit embittered with her struggle, feels tired and exhausted. She sees no sign of an end to the struggle that started in 1988.

Three-quarters of the household expenditure amounting to Rs12,000 is taken care of by her salary; she is barely able to save Rs2,000 a month. She is concerned about her younger sisters’ weddings and least bothered about her own marriage, although she feels her single status makes her vulnerable to societal pressures.

Her dreams may have faded over time, but she is adamant to complete her education. She is proud to have completed the first semester of her MA in international relations as a private candidate. Her perseverance altered the course of her own and her siblings’ life, but she declines to take credit for that. However, it surely gives her a sense of achievement to see the stability that has come into their life. “Life is much easier now as all four siblings are equipped with an education and are able to fend for themselves.”

Then there is the story of Razia, 37, whose struggles started when she had just finished her matric. “My father was employed at a private firm. We lived hand to mouth as his salary was barely sufficient for us,” she says.

To stave off poverty, she found a job as a telephone operator for a monthly income of Rs700. Although the amount was meagre, she remained persistent in her efforts to pool in whatever share she could. “Earlier, I worked for my parents and siblings, and after I got married I earned for my three kids.”

She had hoped marriage would give her the much needed respite, but unfortunately her husband’s salary is not enough to run the household, the monthly expenditure coming to roughly Rs8,000. The larger contribution to be able to manage comes from her salary, which falls between Rs9,000 to Rs10,000.

“When my kids fall ill, my budget goes out, as each penny is fixed for particular expenditures.” She saves by making fewer clothes and spending less on food and transport. “I work on daily wages and my salary is often cut if I take a day off. I have to compensate for the loss by doing overtime.” Razia believes women face more pressure to prove themselves when they step out to work. “It is easy for people to say we are out there for fun. They don’t know the circumstances that force us to work,” she laments.

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