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May 6, 2004
Love is a contact sport
On the eve of my cousin’s wedding, gushing with pleasure about the mutual understanding she shared with her husband to be, my cousin’s aunt said to her, and quite seriously, “You people don’t know what love is all about until you wake up in the morning and smell the sullied breath of the person sleeping next to you.” An enchanting thought.
In the age of confusion — the West is accused of demolishing the traditional notion of family i.e., the two-parent household, and the East somewhat unsteady on its feet when it comes to supporting individual agency and decision making about one’s marital life — I ask myself, what is love? Does it really exist? Or is it a farce made up by Hollywood and perpetuated by Bollywood?
Is this myth of love the reason why so many people are getting divorced because a real relationship can never keep up with their expectations? Is it futile to expect that your heart will flutter every time he enters the room or you will get those stomach churning butterflies when the phone rings? Is love a farce?
Further (a very serious) inquiry into the matter revealed that all people can be divided into two camps — no, not pro-American and anti-American, that’s a passing phase based on the “changing world order” — the categories are: those that have faith in a love that can fill you with joy and have you believe that everything you ever wanted is in front of you, and those that don’t. It’s not that those that don’t have never felt love or been in love, but they just feel that love is not sustainable because they don’t know the rules.
Love is a contact sport. Like any other, for the fairness and fulfillment of both players, there is a certain specific set of rules that must be followed.The cliche “All is fair in love and war”, is obsolete. Without certain boundaries and limitations, war is defined as crimes against humanity and love is transformed into a farce.
Learning the art of love takes a simple set of rules:
Rule No. 1
Both players must be ready and willing to participate in the game with full informed consent. There is no compulsion in affection. Riddled with deceit, half truths, or dishonesty, the game is null and void.
Rule No. 2
Any or both players may decide at any given time to end it. At such time, the other player must concede, because the game is de facto terminated. It cannot be restarted until and unless rule number one is re-enacted. This may be repeated without restriction.
Rule No. 3
A time frame for the game may be decided at the very beginning of the play or negotiated as the game persists. This timeframe may be renegotiated at any given time if one or both the players wish.
Rule No. 4
The purpose of the game, perhaps the least recognized rule, is for each of the players to support the other to thrive — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, while ensuring his/her own well being. Somewhat of a balancing act, if either or both partners stop thriving, the game is over — whether the players choose for it to be or not.
Rule No. 5
When an impasse is reached, a timeout may be taken and is encouraged. Third party mediation may also be sought at this time. Players are strongly discouraged to start a new game with a different player at this time, as that will result in an abrupt end of the former game.
Rule No. 6
Too many or very frequent time-outs, however, may be discouraging for either one or both players and should be taken only when urgently required.
Rule No. 7
Like other sports, there are winners and losers in the game of love, but the outcome is slightly varied. During or after the game, one of both players may feel like losers, but winning is only possible if both are victorious (kind of like the threat of impending nuclear war).
Study the rules carefully and when you are ready to play, remember, to put on your safety equipment because love is a contact sport!
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