April 29, 2004

‘Prem gali’ is the spot on the Karachi University campus where a lot of students spend their time. Many of these relationships end in marriage, reports Shazman Shariff

It’s afternoon and the main canteen area near the library at the Karachi University is crowded with students. A group of vivacious girls sit on the grass and eat mouth-watering samosas. They talk continuously.

In between their gossip they throw mischievous glances and meaningful smiles at a couple seated nearby. Their laughter and piercing stares do not disturb the couple who sit at the spot that has been referred to as prem gali, or love street for a long time.

This “street” is covered with a creeper and lined with stone pillars which give it an intimate look. It exudes charm and serenity, which attract couples from all over the campus, perhaps this is the reason it got its well-suited name. Anyone visiting that area of the campus can hardly miss the love birds, totally unaware of the hustle and bustle of the world around them.

Many love stories have blossomed on campus. There have been cases when the feelings were strong enough to unite the girl and the boy in marriage.

Farah and Shiraz had known each other while doing their M. Phil from the university. “He was in our group and we had a casual friendship,” said Farah. ”It was after many months had passed that I noticed a change in his attitude. My suspicions grew stronger when my friends teased me whenever he was around. Finally one of my friends communicated his true feelings to me.”

Farah maintained that she is not the sort of person who would fancy love sprouting at academic institutions. She viewed their marriage more as an arranged affair lacking the typical ingredient which makes up actual love marriages. “I liked it when Shiraz took a friend’s help to convey his proposal to my family, instead of approaching me directly. I am happy he adopted the right channel and didn’t go for the usual courtship.”

While Shiraz was confident about his choice, Farah on the other hand was bound to go by what her family would decide. A ‘no’ by them would have ended the whole affair. Farah said: “I come from a conservative family. There was no way I could have gone against my parents, decision.” Her family accepted Shiraz’s proposal and the two were married in a short time.

Another young couple, who shared their views with TR, had a non-conventional tale to narrate. Ali and Sara (names have been changed) had not even in their wildest dreams imagined that their fondness for each other would culminate in a court marriage.

Giving details of how it started, Ali said his happiness knew no bounds when, on the first day at university, he discovered that he and Sara, whom he had seen in his neighbourhood (and had fallen in love with at first sight), were in the same class. He said: “From day one I told all the guys around to stay away from her, as I knew I would marry her one day.”

Ali did not take long to convey his feelings to Sara. Lady luck was with Ali as Sara replied that she too had strong feelings for him and the two became best of friends. Recalling that time, Ali cherished the moments they had spent sitting at different spots on the campus. He said: “Yes, we used to sit in prem gali, but not too often,” as he added that on some occasions boys from political parties came and asked them to go away reminding them that it was a university not a fast food restaurant.

Basking in the joy of having each other’s company, they had hardly finished the first semester, when their otherwise smooth relationship took a serious turn. Sara’s family learnt of their friendship and they made all attempts to stop her from seeing Ali. When she refused to surrender to her family’s wishes, they decided to marry her off to somewhere else.

Ali said that “she was forbidden from coming to the university. But one day she somehow managed to come with the intention of never returning home without having gotten married to me. She was ready for a court marriage.” Assuming that she was acting in the heat of the moment, Ali tried to pacify her and explain the ugly repercussions that could result from such marriages.

“Nothing dissuaded her,” he said. “After some deliberation we headed off to the city court.” He added that he was indebted to his helpful friends who agreed to be witnesses to their nikah and provided them with conveyance, money and strong moral support which the couple sorely needed.

Having braved the troubles that soon followed their marriage, they now feel that their relationship is on an even keel as both families have made peace with each other. Today they are expecting their first child, they offered a piece of advice: “Mine is a completely exceptional case. I was lucky to have found a nice girl who never let my family or me down. But I would not recommend other youngsters to follow suit as such bold steps can also backfire.”

For many students, the confines of the university and mundane life on campus provide the perfect setting for a romance. However, departmental picnics and tours are special occasions when one gets the real opportunity to strike solid acquaintances.

Nazia and Mussadiq studied in the same department but in different shifts. The two, now happily married, told TR how the Pakistan tour arranged by the department turned out to be the ice breaker for them.

“It provided us with a good opportunity to get to know each other in the real sense. But we did not fall for each other instantly,” said Nazia, explaining how the relationship gradually developed after they returned, and more picnics and get-togethers followed. It did not take them long to discover that they had many similarities in their family background.

“Things worked out on their own and nothing was planned,” said Nazia who had confided to her mother about her friendship with Mussadiq. “Had it been a ‘no’ from her I would have ended the whole affair,” she said, adding that one must be practical instead of emotional.

Luckily, from both sides things went in their favour and their love-cum-arranged marriage was solemnized after both of them completed their post graduate degrees.

In Waseem’s case too, his parents gave him their blessings in choosing a life partner for himself. “I had developed a good understanding with my class fellow Huma. It all happened quite naturally. We shared a different kind of friendship, but to avoid attracting others’ attention we refrained from sitting alone under trees like many people do,” he said. In his view it not only looked odd but also gave a bad impression to visitors to the university.

Waseem and Huma had their nikah done while they were still studying. Seeing nothing wrong with the trend of choosing one’s life partners, he said: “At university level people are mature enough to understand these things, and if they find someone who can be their life partner, they should not hesitate in making the move. But it should be done by remaining within the boundaries of decency.”

While expressing her views on appropriate behaviour on campus, a woman said: “They must first understand what is good or bad and must have regards for social norms and values. A university should not be seen as a match-making place. Their main focus should be their studies and not the hunt for spouses.” However, she thought the societal pressure on parents was lessened if their daughters managed to find matches themselves. From a sociological point of view it is welcomed if match-making can be made easier this way.

Commenting on this, Prof Shahida Kazi, a teacher at the mass communications department, said she thought it was a natural phenomenon if young girls and boys studying together developed a fondness for each other. When feelings are deeper it leads to marriage, she said: “I wonder why one should feel defensive about it. It used to happen back in the 1960s when I was a student myself. It is a healthy sign that they are getting married. I don’t see any reason to disapprove of it.”

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