February 19, 2004

I’m finding it very difficult to write this. Actually, I’m finding it difficult to write at all. I seem to be experiencing what is referred to as a writer’s block. I used to think this was just an arty or fancy term. Apparently it is not. So bear with me please, as I sincerely apologize in advance for this piece — which may be little else than bemused ramblings from a slightly jaded writer’s current frame of mind.

So I’m feeling blue and aimless, as you can probably tell. As a young woman in her early twenties, living in Pakistan, I find myself at a crossroads. From my life a sense of direction is oddly missing. To fill you in, I’ve just crossed the threshold from one extremely significant chunk of my life to another. Read recently graduated to not quite knowing what to do with my life.

I’ve been feeling this way for some time now. It got me thinking, though, surely I can’t be the only one in this position? There must be other people, sailing in the same boat, so to speak, feeling the same emotions of random futility as I am, right? Or, am I just deluding myself and most people are generally quite clear about what they wish to do with their lives?

The irony is that for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a journalist. So I pursued that goal. I went abroad, got myself a great degree. I graduated, and almost immediately afterwards began freelancing. Now that I’m actually in the mix, I’m not so sure anymore.

Evidently what I’m going through is not as isolated a phenomenon as I’m making it out to be. After all, there are those people who meander through their entire lives — merely drifting on, much like a broken point of a compass.

I envy others, however, who seem to have it all clear cut for them, who are annoyingly motivated. Heck, my own siblings are like that. They should have rubbed off on me. Alas! Mine is a case of so many goals, so many aspirations, and when they finally seem in reach, you think ‘hold on, do I really want this?’

Now you see why I’m feeling blue, it’s not a pretty picture, is it? But the most frustrating element in this entire scenario is the nagging question of ‘why’? Why do I feel direction-less in the first instance? Is career fulfillment really so hard to come by in today’s day and age, where the options and choices open to a person seem endless?

Think for a moment. We’re told today that we can achieve any goal we set out to, and moreover become anyone we wish to. Though on the whole, this is no doubt a healthy and positive assumption, what role does it play in inculcating in ourselves a false illusion of security? Even with a fantastic degree, there are only so many viable career opportunities available.

At the end of the day, reality sets in. Once we’ve gone through the arduous task of actually completing whatever qualifications we set out to, we’re in two minds about whether we made the correct decision or not. Perhaps this is the problem then. The choices though appearing to be limitless, in actuality aren’t really. Either that, or we really have just become spoilt for choice.

Conceivably, a great deal of these feelings also have to do with the immense amount of pressure there is nowadays on young peopl, to decide as early as possible about their futures. I’ve seen young adults as young as 13 mulling over future career options. Now don’t get me wrong. In the larger scheme of things, this is actually a wonderful development.

As I mentioned earlier, in my own home I have always witnessed nothing but focused individuals in their respective professions. But what of us, who are, for want of a better word, simply confused? The moment one graduates, it seems the countdown to job hunting must begin, like an impending doom, ready to engulf us against our will.

That sounds awfully dramatic, doesn’t it? Possibly, in my perennial state of confusion, I am erroneously inter-relating the ideas of careers and jobs. They are, after all, two entirely different concepts. Here I am feeling low and griping about my so-called career blues, totally disregarding the fact that for most people in Pakistan careers are secondary byproducts. It is the acquirement of a suitable job that is first and foremost.

While some people find their ideal career and ideal job both wrapped up conveniently in one well-paying, fulfilling, neat bow, others are not so fortunate. For so many, their dream career remains just that — an illusive dream, and they end up settling for whatever else comes along that is able to sustain them. Maybe rightly so, bread and butter needs must be met, is the bottom line.

So with this thought, I should just get off my lazy behind, and take a long, hard look around myself. Okay, so some people instantly know their course in life. But we can’t all be the same. And hey, it’s been what, a little over three months since I graduated. I’m bound to get my career mojo up and running soon enough or some sort of motivation anyway. Either that or my paycheck ought to put me right back in order.

All said and done, I do see inspiration coming in as early as next week. No doubt there will be many that will write in inquiring after this sorry excuse for an article. Self depreciation aside though, there might just be some perplexed soul out there with whom this piece may have struck some sort of chord. And as sappy or sentimental as this clearly may sound that’s my motivation and I’ll remember why I chose to write in the first place.

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