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January 15, 2004
Have you met?
Just as introductions are important in terms of social etiquette, first impressions are the last, writes Shabnam Nasir
Making introductions is important, but in our social system you may find that it is not usually considered necessary to introduce strangers at social gatherings. Although this formality is supposed to be a host or hostess’s duty, one may have often witnessed many situations where two people have had to endure an embarrassing spell of silence, just because they have not been introduced to each other, and are suddenly left alone because their host has gone to attend to other arriving guests.
What usually follows such an awkward lapse is the required initiative taken by one of the two people, to go about introducing themselves to the other total stranger. The conversation usually goes something like this: “Oh, hello, um, I am the host’s distant cousin, my name is Haroon, er, and who are you, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“Er, yes hello,” comes the somewhat hesitant reply, as the other person (who has never really met the host but has come to the party with a friend) contemplates on how to phrase his own relationship. “My name is Shiraz, I came here with a friend,” he adds sheepishly. After a few awkward moments the two may go on to have a really good time, but the initial uncomfortableness would have been spared if the host had just taken out a few seconds to introduce them to each other.
Have you ever been in a situation where you arrive at a friend’s house to find out that quite a few other people are also present whom you do not know? Now, if your host has some common sense then he/she will have the courtesy to introduce you to the already seated guests.
If, however, this duty is not fulfilled, an awkward silence will creep across the room when no one will be sure of what to say to the other person. It may also leave you feeling rejected, unacknowledged or insulted that your friend did not feel your relationship was worth mentioning to the other visitors present.
There are many reasons as to why making introductions is an important part of social decorum. If you are acting as a host, when you make an introduction you are basically acknowledging the relationship you have with your guest, to your other guests.
If you ignore a guest who has just arrived, in front of other people, you may cause him/her embarrassment at the thought that they were not considered worthy of an introduction to the other people present. Of course, you cannot introduce one person to lots of others, one by one, so in such a case you may just mention his/her name to everyone present — the main thing is to let everyone feel comfortable, and to let the arriving guest feel welcomed and valued.
It is also helpful to remember to stay away from introductions such as: “This is Sara, my very dear friend” or “Meet Faisal, my best colleague”. Such an introduction may have an adverse effect in offending the other guests, as they may think they are being considered less worthy than the person you are introducing to them.
Also, keep clear of phrases like “This is Nyla who works for me” as it may sound patranizing. This can be much better phrased as: “This is Nyla; we work together”. Keep in mind that the basics of making introductions are to make a person feel good about themselves and to boost their self- esteem.
Of course there may be certain situations where you have been invited to a formal dinner and are not familiar with any of the other guests. If for some reason your host is not visible then it is perfectly all right to introduce yourself. Remember to do it confidently and in a friendly manner which will definitely leave a lasting impression on any new acquaintances you may make. In such instances where your host/hostess is busy attending to many guests, it is your duty to circulate and be assertive towards others.
If you are at a family or social gathering, do take the trouble to introduce your children (regardless of their ages) to other acquaintances. This process gives a child a sense of belonging, and that oft repeated word — ‘importance’.
Again, think carefully before you make a wise crack such as: “This is Zara, my most troublesome daughter.” It may be said in jest, but it may also have a profoundly insulting effect on your child’s self image, who in fact may for the rest of her life avoid these particular people just because of the description you pinned on her when they first met.
When introducing distant relatives to each other, either state the precise relationship or clarify it from both parties. Do not state incorrect relationships which will make you look foolish. If you are not sure, just say so.
Also, when introducing your ancient aunt to others try not to divulge into her particular health concerns. Just say: “Here is my lovely aunt Saeeda”, as opposed to “and this is aunt Saeeda — you know the one who fell out of bed and had to spend six months in hospital with a broken hip.”
In making introductions at work it is considered proper to introduce the junior worker to the senior one. In other words you are introducing the lesser authority to the higher one, and it is the higher authority whose name must be mentioned first.
Just remember that a few moments spent making a good introduction can secure the basis for a lasting relationship — we may conclude with the cliche — first impressions are the last impressions.
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