July 3, 2003

Many young men and women learn to shoulder responsibilities at a very young age, as they have to become the sole breadwinners due to a tragedy in the family, writes Arsalan-ul-Haq

In a twist of fate, many find themselves standing at a crossroads where decisions made by them would affect the rest of the family. Death of the head of the family, loss in business, termination of service or any such unforeseen incident can be devastating experiences that also take a toll on children. For the sake of their families, and involving sacrifices, the responsibility of taking up a job lands on the one who is usually the eldest.

One can find several examples where teenagers play the role of breadwinners for their families. Kamran Ahmed recalls the time when he lost his father, who worked in collaboration with his brother, Asim, in running an estate agency.

A rift developed between the brothers and Asim transferred all their assets in his own name. After the death of his father due to shock, the tragedy left behind his helpless mother and two younger brothers without any support or source of income.

Kamran was only 16 years old when his mother, Halima, moved them to her mother’s home where her brother also lived. Halima and her sons were given a portion of the house and her brother, Kasim, shared the responsibility of helping Halima raise her children. He decided not to file any case against Asim due to financial constraints.

Kamran as the eldest son sized up the situation and decided to provide his mother and brothers with a house of their own as well as a new life. He gave up his studies to ease the burden of his uncle to finance the education of his younger brothers, while he himself started looking for a job.

Tears well up in Kamran’s eyes as he relives each and every moment of his ordeal. Kamran used to give tuitions in the evenings and looked for a job during the daytime. He feels no shame in admitting that once he even drove the school bus to drop students.

When asked if he ever thought of resuming his studies, he said that every time he dropped children to schools, it reminded him of his school days. He wanted to become a neuro-surgeon, but his responsibility towards the family stood first. Halima felt sorry for her eldest son. Imran, Kamran’s younger brother, started lending him a helping hand with tuitions.

Soon, Kamran’s uncle found him a job in a firm run by his friend. After Intermediate, Imran also got employment in the same firm as Kamran.

Both the brothers learned how to run a successful business with honesty and unity. They now run their own business dealing in pharmacy, computers, leather goods and a variety of other commodities. They are also happily married and have children, a success story which Halima very gladly narrates.

Salman Rasheed is doing chartered accountancy and works simultaneously as a sales manager in a local firm. His life was shattered when his father, who owned a small grocery store, suddenly suffered paralysis. The earnings that not only ran the household, but also financed Salman and his elder sister, Anita’s education, and later her marriage, suddenly ceased.

Salman, the youngest in the family, who was used to getting everything without striving for it, was thrown into an adverse situation. He tried asking acquaintances for money, but in vain.

After consulting his mother, Salman finally decided to sell the store that his father owned, to finance his education as well as his father’s exorbitant medical bill.

With the help of his brother-in-law, Salman found a suitable buyer for the store. With no steady source of income to run the household and the dream of becoming a Chartered Accountant, Salman roamed the streets of Karachi in search of a part-time job.

After a series of rejections, Salman got demoralized and indulged in drugs and smoking. His mother, already a cardiac patient, was going through a period of intense mental stress and anguish.

Finally, with the help of a friend, he managed to get a job as a salesman. He started with a low pay which gradually increased, becoming enough to purchase his father’s medicines, finance his semesters and to run a household. Salman is still working and is also preparing for his final semester examinations.

Maria Durrani is 18 and is soon going to complete her A levels. Maria also works as a model. Her parents got divorced after 20 years of marriage. The divorce came as no surprise to Maria.

After the separation, she opted to stay with her mother who was all alone with no emotional or physical support. Her father violated the terms of the divorce and left Pakistan without leaving behind child support or any other financial aid. Although a portion of the property was given to Maria’s mother, in the absence of the father the property remained disputed.

Thus, Maria found herself in difficult circumstances. She was 17 at the time of the divorce and her father’s deception served as an eye-opener for her at that young age. Maria took the challenge boldly and assured her mother that she would deal with the situation.

Maria’s studies continued to be financed from the family savings. Her friends helped her through trying times, and considered Maria a determined girl whose charming looks won hearts. She decided to yield to the insistence of her friends and applied as a model. After her first magazine shoot, quite a few people in the neighborhood started keeping away from her and her mother. Soon, Maria and her mother moved to another neighbourhood.

Maria kept her television and magazine appearances within the limits set by her mother. Her aim is to continue her education further. For her, fame and fortune are not the reasons for modeling, but livelihood. Maria admits that it’s not easy being a symbol of sophistication. She worries about the occasional taunts and demeaning looks she receives by the society at large.

One wonders what these teenagers go through psychologically, while taking on such huge responsibilities at such a tender age? Adolescence is a time of physical as well as mental metamorphosis. One is traveling through childhood to maturity, and if met with uncertainty, he or she is left in a lurch.

Group relations are quite crucial during these years. Thrown in adverse situations, they miss out on their youth years that are supposed to be full of fun and enjoyment. They seem baffled in identifying their roles. They see others of their age enjoying life and spending pocket money which they have received from their parents, whereas they have dependents relying on them for support.

They are examples of fortitude and strength, but the trauma they face is more than that of their fair share. Any casualty or unforeseen catastrophe leaves a family scattered, and it becomes the duty of the eldest child to shoulder the responsibility.

The task of running household economics is surely a tough one, and the fact that these teenagers have to perform it while acquiring education makes the situation even tougher.

The future of such young professionals cannot be predicted accurately. This is because surviving in this ruthless world is more or less a miracle in today’s time. Only the right kind of guidance can give assurance and the hope for a better future.

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