March 08, 2009

“How to be a good Muslim?” Babboo asked, just as the muezzin was calling the faithful on the mosque’s public address system for prayers.

“Your question implies that you are NOT a good Muslim, therefore, you want to know how to become one.” I replied.

“Don’t get personal. I just wanted to know if there was a formula or a prescription — which was also practicable — that could be prescribed for a sinner like you to become a good Muslim.”

“Sinner like me? What about a peccadillo like you? You can’t even sin properly.”

“Now you are behaving like a perfect reactionary — one who thinks it is always the other guy who is on the wrong path. marne maarne pe tull ho jate ho, when it comes to religion.”

I did not want to take the discussion towards open hostility, so I told him:“Yaar, Islam is a very simple and practical religion.”

“Subhanallah! Ye aap ne kaun si nayi baat kahi? I know that.”

“So what is the problem? You can start today. You should offer namaz, keep roza, give zakat, perform hajj, and become a good Muslim. Simple!”

“Easier said than done. Haven’t you heard the story of a well-to-do guy who owned a large number of cattle — cows, buffaloes, goats and sheep. He never prayed in his life and had all the vices a normal man has — should I name them?”

“ Rahne deejye, mujhe pata hai.” I said.

“One of his friends,” Babboo continued. “Returning from Hajj, sincerely advised him to be grateful to God Almighty for His bounties. The least he could do to show his gratefulness, his Haji friend told him, was to start offering namaz. The fellow listened to his friend’s advice attentively and decided to reform himself. He started offering his prayers. As it happened, his cattle started to die, one after another. What was surprising, the more he prayed the more he lost his cows, buffaloes and sheep. Finally, just one little lamb remained. Story has it that one evening as this guy was lying in his charpoy in the courtyard, pondering over his grim future, the lamb started to cry. The man tolerated it for sometime before calling out: chup ho ja, salay, chup ho ja! Tu to ek rikaat ka bhi naheen hai!”

“I have heard this one from Moeen Akhtar. It’s a sick joke.” I said.

“Jokes aside,” Babboo continued, “please tell me, by offering namaz, keeping roza, giving zakat and performing hajj, would I REALLY become a good Muslim?”

“You will obviously not. In order to become a true Muslim you also have to make sure that you do not lie, do not steal, do not hurt others, do not become a spendthrift, do not fornicate, do not sod...”

“Bus, bus! Samajh gaya! Babboo said nervously and asked: “You have mentioned these DON’Ts. In addition to these don’ts, what other actions are necessary to make me a good Muslim?”

“What other actions, besides what I have already said, come to your mind?” I asked.

“Like burning schools? Not allowing girls to receive education? Flogging men who shave their beards? Beating women who don’t wear burqa? Beheading those who do not subscribe to my views?” Babboo looked serious.

“These actions have nothing to do with Islam.” I said firmly.

“But those who are carrying out these actions pray five times a day, fast in Ramzan, many of them have performed Hajj as well. They also sincerely believe that they are doing the right thing. For many Muslims they have become role models, haven’t they?”

“Should we allow these ‘role models’ to have their way?” I asked.

“Islam mein jabr naheen hai.” Babboo said blatantly.

“What do you mean? You think we should allow them to go on the rampage?”

“How can you stop them?”

“The government can stop them, can’t they, for heavens sake!” I cried out.

“But we hear comments on the TV that the matter is complicated and the government cannot make up its mind.”“Tumhari aqal kya kehti hai?”

“Aqal hogi to kuchh kahe gi na! said Babboo mischievously, and added: “Yaar choro, obviously, you are talking about Swat and the Northern areas. Let’s not discuss this. It is too depressing. It will only spoil the evening. In any case, you and I can do nothing since we are ordinary, helpless people. We must leave it to the people’s government. It is their problem, isn’t it? At best we can pray for the kamyabi of the people’s government.”

“Do you think God will help them? Do you think God will listen even to our prayers?”

“Duaon mein bara asar hota hai. Haven’t you heard people saying ‘duaon mein yaad rakhiye ga?” Babboo said.

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