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ln the lime of ire
Hello listeners, I am Anushave, and this is Radio E coming live to you from an undisclosed location. With me is Dimoo! Say hello to the listeners, dud!
Hello, listeners! Anushave, what does the E in Radio E stand for?
It stands for Emergency.
Oh, I thought the E stood for Ecstasy.
Ecstasy the drug?
Yes.
Whack! (Slaps Dimoo). Shut up, Dimoo. Okay, listeners, we have a very special show for you tonight and it’s called From Immy to Irony.
Duh. What’s irony, Anushave.
Errr … I have absolutely no idea.
Lag gai na emergency!
Whack! Shut up, Dimoo! We are popular because of our cuteness, not intelligence. Anyway, we will first be talking to Ms Fashionista Democrata of Instapo, a big supporter of Jimmy’s glorious students revolution. Hi, FD. Instapo sounds a lot like Gestapo!
Yes dahling, it does, because we are the fashion police.
You guys have been rolling out great catwalks of protest these days.
Yea, viva la revolution … and Paria B.
Paria B the designer?
Yea, she’s designing the clothes for the protesters. Che T-Shirts, Guess jeans, Nike shoes and rimmed glasses for that passionate intellectual lawyer-student radical look. We will fight against the Emergency and topple it and bring democracy and make Lax the national soap. We’ll have the first designer revolution in the history of Pakistan!
Khool! I’m so excited. It’s like a party. Can I come?
Sure dahling, we’re protesting at the LUMPS tomorrow. Bring your own coffee, though.
Wowie! Will Jimmy be there too?
Okay, listeners, that’s that then. I hope you liked our show. But before we go, we will leave ou with a revolutionary ghazal sung by Benazir Bhutto… ‘Hum daikhay hain, laazim hain kay hum bhi daikhay hain, hum daikhay hain…’
Of course, dahling. He reminds us of that famous hero of the French Revolution.
Who?
Louis Vuitton.
Duh, Anushave. Isn’t Louis Vuitton a French designer?
Whack! Shut up, Dimoo. Told you not to be intelligent. Be cute!
Duh, okay.
Thanks, FD.
Okay, dahling, see you at the GT, I mean, protest rally. Bye.
Bye. Okay, listeners, now let’s go over to our correspondent Amina Luck who is with Jimmy at the Punjabi University. Yes, Amina.
No, Anushave.
Okay, Amina.
Thank you, Anushave.
Duh, but she didn’t say anything.
Whack! Shut up, Dimoo! That’s ALL she can say, stupid!
Duh, okay.
So, listeners … we have a call. Hello?
Hello.
Yes, who’s this?
Khan.
Okay, so where are you speaking from?
What do you mean? I am the great Khan! You are doing a show on me!
Oh, my God! I forgot. Jimmy!
Lag gai na emergency!
Whack! Shut up, Dimoo. So, Jimmy, are you still at an undisclosed location at the Punjabi University?
Yes, Anushave, and I am working on my speech which I will give to the millions of students gathered there.
What will you say, Jimmy?
It’s a speech thanking the members of the Jamiat-i-Lullaby for organising such a wonderful rally for me and supporting me in my cause against Ecstasy… I mean, Emergency.That’s wonderful, Jimmy. You’ve always been so close to JL and they respect you so much, and you love them so much, and you also believe in their idea of having a jirga system, and hating America, and hating BB, and hating Ma’am Kyoon Man, and supporting Islami nizaam, and… Duh, Anushay?
WHAT?
I have a cousin at LUMPS, and he loves Jimmy too, but he says Jimmy stands for progressive democracy, modern education, women’s rights…
Whack! Shut up, Dimoo! Err… sorry about that Jimmy. So, are there any LUMPS students there with you?
Of course, Anushave. My struggle is for a progressive democratic jirga system with full women’s rights anti-American modern education revolution emancipation free media liberal judicial tribal area heroism hijab and teetar ka shikaar!
Err… you kind of lost me there, Jimmy.
You children of Musharraf’s enlightened moderation, you will not understand. Come here and join my comrades and… (Whack!)
What was that, Jimmy?
(Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)
Jimmy, what’s happening? Oh my God, it seems Jimmy is being beaten up by his comrades! Oh, no! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick! Starts beating up Dimoo).
Why the hell are you beating ME? I am your partner and friend!
That’s exactly why!
But I am a liberal!
Shut up! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)
Jirga system!
Shut up! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)
Democracy!
Shut up! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)
Irony!
(Suddenly stops beating him). Oh, so that’s what it means? Told you not to be intelligent. Be cute!
Duh, okay.
Okay, listeners, that’s that then. I hope you liked our show. But before we go, we will leave you with a revolutionary ghazal sung by Benazir Bhutto…
Hum daikhay hain, laazim hain kay hum bhi daikhay hain, hum daikhay hain…
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