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SPOT LIGHT: A gallery of achievements
The Guinness Book of World Records is famous for being a compendium of the bizarre. Though it is a huge tome canvassing many varied subjects, its most famous entries are most often the travelling freak shows of the world — the longest moustaches, biggest tomatoes and heaviest cabbages — which garner the lion’s share of its attention. Then there lies the middle of the road stuff, the obsolete nuggets chronicling such mind numbing facts as the distance between Earth and Alpha Centauri, how many pennies it would take to form a chain to the sun and other such useless tit-bits. Lastly, there is indeed a somewhat practical use to the third section of records — sporting achievements, sales figures and those entries dealing with the world of sociology such as longest reigning hereditary monarch and shortest war.
Recently, the Guinness carnival came to Karachi to honour the Pakistanis that have made it into the book. Held at the Bahria Auditorium and sponsored by Lipton, the presentation was taped for TV in front of a live studio audience.
Among the venerable names that made it into the book were Javed Miandad, Imran Khan, Jahangir Khan, Nusrat Fateh Ali, Abdus Sattar Edhi and Jansher Khan.
The affair was hosted by Moin Akhtar — his saber sharp wit intact — and included, among other things, song and dance routines from some of today’s hottest popsters. The invitation — shaped like a tea bag — stated 8:00pm as the time the ceremony would take off. The mobiles kept chirping and this was a sure sign that the natives were getting restless, as keeping in line with the hallowed Pakistani tradition of diabolical lateness, the thing kicked off at around 10:30. Imagine what the poor people who showed up on time must have gone through. They are to be saluted.
After a couple of others were honoured, Resham danced a jig to one of Nusrat Fateh Ali’s numbers in a posthumous tribute, as the singer has earned a place in the book for his songs
One of the first things that came out of Moin’s mouth was a quip about starting on time. Good move. He felt our pain. Wasim Bari, Pakistan’s ace wicket keeper from yesteryear was the first to be honoured. Next up was Zafar Iqbal, a locksmith from Lahore who earned the enviable distinction of creating the world’s biggest lock. It took him all of three years to build it.
Emerging popsters Fuzon were brought on to lip-synch (aah the cruel dictates of TV recording) to Khamaj, an engrossing number. The group were egged on by a troupe of effeminate turbaned dancers. It was a shame the dancers missed their cue and kept on boogying after the band had finished their performance.
Cricketer Moin Khan was due to attend, but because of World Cup fitness trials, he had been diverted to Lahore. Mushtaq Mohammad was out of the country, hence his brother Sadiq accepted on his behalf.
Sajjad Ali was the next musical act to perform, and these ears were too tired by this time to discern between canned singing and live singing, but for a split second it seemed like the singer was actually employing his vocal chords for the hymn-like Savaar de. He also performed the Kishore Kumar inspired Paniyon main.
Wasim Akram’s name was also mentioned, along with the showing of an extensive video montage of his, but the ex-skipper of the greens was in Sud Afrikaa that night where Pakistan had just been pounded by the Springboks. A rather ignoble record of Pakistan’s was that the lowest total in a cricket One-Day International also belonged to our nation. This dubious distinction — a colossal score of 43 — was ‘achieved’ in February 1993.
Zeba Bakhtiar, who seems to be dancing around a lot of places these days, came on next for a music break to shuffle to the beat of another Fuzon number, although the Fuzon-eers performed in absentia this time. Unfortunately, there was a screw-up of Herculean proportions when the tape would play, then shut off again, then play again. Poor Zeba was in a hunched position for a good three minutes.
Javed Miandad and Abdus Sattar Edhi both received their commendations in absentia as supposedly, both were out of station. Samiullah, hockey’s ‘Flying Horse’ was honoured, though Moin was playing devil’s advocate by asking him provocative questions about the grim state of Pakistani hockey.
A feisty looking Jawad Ahmad did a treble of Uchiyan majajan wali, Dholna and Dosti as well as an A Capella version of Bin teray. Safe to say that Jawad’s performance elicited the most spirited response from the crowd, as the first signs of life were seen and heard from the gathered.
After a couple of others were honoured, Resham danced a jig to one of Nusrat Fateh Ali’s numbers in a posthumous tribute, as the singer has earned a place in the book for most recordings released — a whopping 125. Last to come was a rep from the tea company to symbolize the world’s largest teabag, surprise of surprises, created by the host tea company. We were expecting the tea bag itself. Maybe the crowd should have been treated to a cup from the sacrosanct teabag. To our dismay, it was not going to be the case.
A noble gesture if a little bungled. One would think that such a multinational has enough cash to throw around to streamline such lapses in execution.
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