While money is important, marrying someone solely for the moolah in their mattresses or because she looks like Vanessa Paradis or for that snazzy Beemer is a plain bad idea.

Auntie,

Not too long ago, a girl started liking me and we began seeing each other. It was kind of an affair. We were going fine for weeks, but then something, of which I don’t have the foggiest, happened to her. I don’t know why she doesn’t talk to me anymore, making silly excuses. What can I do to make her talk to me again? Should I break up with her and behave like a good boy? It’s because of her that I gave up my studies.

Don’t Know Anymore

Dear Bewildered,

Should you break up? Do you have a choice? The girl probably jumped into the relationship (affairs are for married people), probably thought you were incompatible and decided not to continue.

Why has she backed out? I really can’t say. It could be anything from parental pressure to your accent or that camp pair of trousers you own -- the workings of the female mind are mysterious. Be glad you found out soon enough, go back to your studies and think good and hard before you dig around for that fishing line and head out to the sea again.

Dear Auntie

I am a 24-year-old guy. I completed my MBA six months ago, but am still jobless. I am worried about my marriage. I have two proposals: one from my maternal side of the family and the other from the paternal side. I want to go with my father’s side, but the problem is for that to happen I have to move from Lahore to Karachi where the girl lives. Also she is about four years older than me.

There are two reasons for going with my father’s side:

1) I have developed feelings for that girl (I met her two weeks ago);

2) Her parents can help me financially, adjusting me into their well-established business.

But that will not make my mother happy.

Torn

Dear Feeler

Have you ‘developed feelings’ for this girl because you think her family can help you set up shop? I am always wary of marrying for reasons other than the fact that they like or love the other person. While money is important, marrying someone solely for the moolah in their mattresses or because she looks like Vanessa Paradis or for that snazzy Beemer is a plain bad idea. Auntie recommends that you live like you have a spine, and I promise life will be worth it.

Finally, don’t let the parents force you to take a decision. You need to be honest with yourself about your motivations, then do what you think is right, and if it seems inevitable that you will upset a parent… well, consider it collateral damage.

Dear Auntie,

My father has been an addict for years and we have always had serious emotional and financial problems.

A year ago we made him quit this disastrous habit and then arranged a job for him. Our house became calm and happier. Now we’re not rich, but we’re still managing life.

The problem is that for the last 2-3 months my father has started that bad habit again. My parents have no relationship, my mother is exhausted and my father is destroying himself. I have a young brother at home and my marriage is round the corner. What do I do with this mess?

Messed

Dear Hostage,

You have been suffering for no fault of yours. You have been a good daughter and tried to help your father, but if he hasn’t tried to help himself, there is not much else you can do.

It’s time you stop expecting miracles and take things in your hands. No one should be held hostage by dysfunctional ties, so move on, seek the support of your friends and family and for now focus on your impending marriage.

If anyone accuses you of not caring for your parents or for being selfish, it’s because they don’t know any better. The world is full of people who are happy to see others wallow in misery and who find it difficult to swallow if you succeed. Disengage yourself from the mess at home and concentrate on making your future a success.

Hello Auntie!

I’m from Islamabad. I am 22 and have just completed my electronic engineering course. I have been searching for a job for four months and haven’t found one. I have appeared in a few interviews and got selected for the final interviews, but no one hired me as someone with better references succeeded. I feel frustrated. I can always take care of my father’s business, but I don’t want to waste my degree over business.

Secondly, I have a few friends who are girls but they’re not my girlfriends and they keep asking me about marriage. All of them are good but I don’t want to make any decisions as I don’t have a job. They know it but still they keep asking for promises about marriage.

Confused

Dear Have-it-All,

Wow! A family business and a line of girls waiting to wed you… is man ever happy with his circumstances? Your problems are mostly self-created. While you wait for a job, why don’t you join your father’s business and learn the ropes? If we all held out for jobs that were relevant to our degrees, many of us would probably while away our lives twiddling thumbs. In fact, sitting idle when you have the chance to help with your family business may be held against you by a future employer.

As for the women, marry only when you feel ready. For now, enjoy the attention.

Auntie will not reply to any letter personally, so stop asking! Send your problems to auntieagni@gmail.com

•Names are withheld to protect privacy