Do you like to dance? Exercise? Do you like children? Do you enjoy writing? Make some time for that special thing everyday.

Dear Auntie,
I am a 29-year-old woman. I completed my MBA two years ago. My problems are multiple in the sense that I have not been able to settle in a job all this while. There are tensions at home and I am not satisfied with the way my family treats me. I am not married or engaged and have been thinking about living alone, all on my own.

After MBA I intended to get married and pursue my career, but there was only one proposal and it was not suitable. My mother treats me like a burden and my brother who is 19 is very abusive and ill-mannered towards me. Since I don’t have a regular income of my own they don’t even want to support me financially.

My father passed away when I was 21 and my younger sister got married while I was still studying. People at my institute used to tell me that it is very difficult to find suitable proposals for girls when their younger sisters get married first.

After completing MBA I got involved with a married man who of course was not serious and happened to be my instructor once upon a time. I am terribly hurt because of this as well. I am really worried.
Hurt and Unsettled

Dear Settled,

Think of how many times Obama must have been told that a black man can never be president of the US. Imagine if he had believed them.

Let’s start with a pick of words from your letter: ‘not able,’ ‘tension,’ ‘not satisfied,’ ‘not suitable,’ ‘burden.’ Just a few years back you were able to take on the ‘tension’ and ‘burden’ of an MBA degree and see it to the end. What’s stopping you from ceasing your life again?

There must be something you enjoy, because you have to start doing that from today. Do you like to dance? Exercise? Do you like children? Do you enjoy writing? Make some time for that special thing everyday. That’s your first baby step towards taking control of your life.

Next dash out of the room when a naysayer predicts that you will have a difficult time finding a proposal. You have believed this hogwash, it’s showing on your face and putting people off. While Auntie cannot predict when that special someone will walk into your life, you absolutely need to find something -- ideally a job to put your MBA to good use. Even if it’s not THE job, just do it and make it work for you by using what you earn to pursue your interest.

That should go a long way in winding down the devil’s workshop, putting an end to your boredom and all the moaning. If this doesn’t work go see a doctor, but avoid the pill.

 

Dear Auntie,
I do not have a good relationship with my mother as she treats my brother better than she treats me. When my brother does something bad she does not do anything. When I do even a small thing, she takes action. How can I have a better relationship with her?
Rival

Dear Sibling,

While your mom does love you, her expectations from you are different than those from your brother. Maybe it’s because you are the eldest and he’s the baby.

But you know what? She may not even realise that she is discriminating and she certainly isn’t doing it to hurt you.

At your end I think you should just stop competing with your brother and nip the rivalry by accepting things as they are. In fact, start looking for support elsewhere; maybe with friends or even relatives.

When you do that, you will stop being so needy of your mom’s attention and things may actually improve a little.

Finally, focus on everything that your mom does for you. There must me something.

 

Hi Auntie,
Do you reply through your column in Dawn Magazine only or you also reply through email.
Emailer

Dear Mailed,
Consider this the 11th Commandment: Auntie shall not reply through email.

 

Dear Auntie,
My problem is that I am divorced. I have a son and am now living with my parents. Should I go for a second marriage? Will it work for me and my child? I have a well- paid job. Is a second marriage inevitable? Will it be suitable for my son?
Considering

Dear Do-Consider,
Okay it’s not going to be a cakewalk if you remarry, but you have the right to find a partner and pursue your happiness. So consider it. While Auntie doesn’t have any official data on remarriage and children, there are pros and cons to everything. Remarriage will definitely take off the burden of single motherhood. By handing the task of breadwinning even partially, to someone else, you would probably be able to focus on your son. Your second husband will also be able to share in some of the household responsibilities with you.

Problems may occur when your child has to adjust to his stepfather and vice versa. On a cautious note, I do want to add that I believe children have quite a hand in the breakup of many second marriages. So while I can’t predict what will happen in your case, if you do go for a second marriage, do it with someone you know and like and walk in with your eyes wide open.

 

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