Has that spark gone missing in your life of late? Let the no-nonsense Auntie Agni reignite the flame and put you back in the driving seat...

Auntie Agni Jaan,

I am 31 years old and not married. I am a good-looking and well educated girl. My family has royal ancestry and we live in the best part of town. I do get proposals through the family but they are always inappropriate – the guys are either not good-looking enough, they don’t have the job or there are problems with the family.

My friends are surprised that despite so many plus points no one has ever approached me for a relationship that could develop into something. In college there were some guys who I knew were interested in me but no one really approached me for a relationship. My friends and cousins have all got married and it is really beginning to bother me. My family, especially my mother, is more than beginning to worry about my condition now.

Shahzadi Rukhsana Badruzzaman Khan*

Princess!

Condition? Get that out of your head. Now! You have no condition that needs treatment. And whoa woman! Get off that high horse and you might meet your knight in shining armour. Just reread your letter -- much as you think is going for you, it’s oozing out of your attitude. That, honey, is precisely why you are putting off the world, its men and their moms.

Come down to earth. Right away! The guy with the ‘right’ education, the ‘right’ job and a problem-free family is a frog who lives in a pond on Mars. Get real -- even if someone seems problem-free before you say your ‘qabool hai’, something unforeseen will sneak up (mark my words) to shatter the illusion, post-shaadi. Or it may just be your ‘I’m so perfect attitude’ that will dissolve the mirage of the perfect marriage.

Take the focus off yourself and grab a fistful of your physical beauty and add it to your soul. Start by staying quiet and listening to people. I mean really listening and being interested in others. Stop judging them rubbing in your own ancestry. You were born with your looks and your pedigree (even dogs have them). Think about what you can give to others.

Turn a deaf ear to your relatives (you’re neither the first nor the last woman to be harassed by worrywart relations), join a gym or some other activity to divert your attention or take a holiday with someone who isn’t preoccupied with your marriage. Smile often and think about others for a change. If you do it with the right attitude, you won’t only get married, you may even stay married; which is a lot to be thankful for these days.

Dear Auntie Agni,

I am feeling used. I have two children and I work for an international agency. The problem is my husband, who has been hounding me about the money ever since I told him how much I have saved up. He keeps showing me schemes in which to invest. He also relies too much on my salary. If he runs out of money before the end of the month -- which is nearly every month -- he comes to me for extra money. He blows all his money on luxuries that we could easily do without, and says the children’s expenses are my responsibility.

But what has really prompted me to write to you is that I caught him with another woman in my own house. I wanted to leave him right away, but my parents insist I live with it. He says he never wants to leave me. I feel like crying all the time and am unable to concentrate on my work.

Mansoora Jabeen*

Dear Feeling Used,

Are you mad? Of course he doesn’t want to leave you. Would you leave someone who picks up the tab and stays with you despite your infidelity? Not I. Honey, wake up and smell the doodhpatti … you’re being taken for one grand ride.

But there are kids involved and I suspect that is the reason you haven’t just strutted out. While I don’t like to advocate divorce, because it often means trading one set of problems for another set of issues, in your case it just might be what the doctor ordered. Is there any chance that you can get a transfer abroad? Or can you look for another job, abroad? You have ample work experience and money stashed away for a rainy day -- what better time than now to use it? The kids? Your hub doesn’t seem to have much love for them. Will they or he really miss each other?

As for spending money, it is seldom that spouses approve of each other’s habits in that department. And money is often one of the biggest causes of disagreement between mates. If you intend to stick it out with your hub, help him grow up. Refuse to part with your salary; stop bailing him out and see if he still wants to hold on to you. For starters, just sit back and stop being judgmental about how he ‘blows’ his money! n

Concise queries may be sent to:

auntieagni@gmail.com

*Names withheld to protect privacy