Obtaining an official document, be it a license or a passport, is a hassle that no one wants to get into
It’s a place where being a woman is advantageous to both men and women: the men have an object to stare at, and the women get to jump lines. And eventually everyone gets their work done. Yet, I have come home extremely disturbed. Why?
It’s such an unsettling feeling. I am the only woman in the office. I feel like the image in the corner of every man’s eye. Each one looks at me at least once. I ask a clerk at Counter 1 where I can purchase a ticket (as payment for a learner’s driving license that I’m attempting to get made). I am directed to Counter 5. There I see about 15 men climbing on top of each other in an effort to get their turn first, shoving their crumpled forms through the small gap between the counter and the steel grill separating us from the clerks behind the counter. I quietly go and stand behind them. A couple of them turn towards me and then turn back, probably wondering why I’m being so stupid. Why would I even think of trying to get my turn at Counter 5? That’s just not a woman’s game, it requires pushing and shoving men. Less than five seconds later the clerk at Counter 1 comes across and asks me to hand him my form through the adjacent window. I don’t move, and he gestures with his hand for me to come forward. I move hesitantly, embarrassed. He takes the money and gets me my ticket in less than two minutes. I leave the post office.
And now for the ‘medical test’. We ask the information desk where to go for the test. He sticks out his arm, pointing us in the direction of a jumble of men standing on steps in front of a closed door. The door opens every few minutes and everyone pushes forward, hoping that they will fall into the room. The men are swaying with the pressure of the pushing and shoving, often falling backwards or sideways. There is no concept of a queue whatsoever. They all believe that this method is quicker than waiting in a line for one’s turn. I wait a safe distance from the bottom step in order to avoid having men fall on me. I start thinking of how to tell them that perhaps a queue would help everyone. I have to think of the consequences of speaking up — it could trigger all sorts of thoughts and actions in my audience. As soon as the gentleman next to me says “Yaar, line bana lo” (guys, make a line), I capitalize on that and say in a loud voice, “App aik form kay liyay chaar dhakkay kha rahay hain.” (Do you realize that for one form/test you are being pushed and shoved four times over?) As expected, I get looks from them all, and a couple said, “Aap aagay aa jaain” (you come ahead, come on). The ‘ladies first’ phenomenon is so oxymoronic. At such places like the license office it puts me ahead of the line, and everywhere else in society men uphold the banner ‘Ladies Last, Men First’.
I couldn’t control my laughter when I witnessed the medical test. A man rudely calls me to his side behind a dusty desk. His wrinkled forehead tells me that he is as frustrated as the rest of us. He asks me to cover my right eye and read. Across the noisy room there is another man who points to an eye-testing board with letters on it that diminish in size. Simultaneously, with his other hand, he tries to prop open the door for a lady to step out. It takes a little while because she needs to find a way through the crowd outside. After reading two letters, I am given a form and told to go back outside. Three people before me are scolded for not shouting out the letters loudly — “Aap agar zor say naheen parhain gay to kaisay pass karoon aap ko?” (If you do not read loudly how am I supposed to pass you?) Being soft-spoken results in failure. As I leave the ‘medical testing room’ I look like a movie star walking on a red carpet through her fans as they clear the way for her. But I feel very different.
How I wish that there was a line at Counter 5 where I could wait my turn along with everyone else. I demand my right to wait patiently for my turn. I do not want to have the liberty to get my turn before all the men who have been waiting before me because it is at the cost of reinforcing male dominance in this society.
In offices and banks where there is a separate woman’s counter, I do not feel half as embarrassed and violated. That system makes sense in this culture in present day and age because it is considered unfavourable for women to have to stand in line between the men who they do not know. Yes, often men make us feel uncomfortable with their movements, their eyes and with their language. But there was no separate counter for women because I was the only one there. Why waste a counter when it could be used for something else? What if there were 15 women in stead of 15 men? Would they be jumping on each other in the same fashion in an attempt to get their work done first? Patience, courtesy and queues. Why do they not exist in one of the busiest offices in the city?
If the authorities think that people are too hostile to bother standing in queues, they can easily appoint one of the many aimless, wandering guards to each counter in the compound. They can ensure that people do not break the lines and behave themselves (as pathetic as that is, we need it). This minute extent of discipline needs to be instilled in people, even if it is by force. But then comes in the other dynamic of the rich vs the poor. A policeman would think twice before telling a suited-booted man not to cut the queue in the fear that the rich man will have contacts in the bureaucracy who can get him fired. And most of the rich folk in this country are proud of the easy availability of bribery to avoid hassles and long waits.
Obtaining anything, from license to passport to train tickets, is a hassle. A seemingly educated man in ironed pants and a smart-collared shirt in this heap of impatient men clearly seems out of place. It is expected that he will have a police officer taking care of things for him (due to his contacts), and I’m certain that others resent that. Why wouldn’t they? They are rarely treated with the same respect — so what if it is superficial respect.
It’s a struggle for me. I believe in gender equality. I demand respect of men, and must in turn give them respect. If I talk of equality on the one hand, I cannot simultaneously take privileges like jumping lines or expecting male friends to always pay for me — such behaviour only reinforces the gender and power imbalance. And when I try to push for gender fairness in public places I get the vibes that make me feel like I’m being frowned upon and considered foolish by all the men around. Does anyone have any suggestions?
It’s a place where being a woman is advantageous to both men and women: the men have an object to stare at, and the women get to jump lines. And eventually everyone gets their work done. Yet, I have come home extremely disturbed. Why?
