Ever heard of the wealthy client who went to his psychiatrist and said: “Doctor, I am so lonesome, couldn’t you split my personality?”
Being lonesome is a condition that can strike anyone — the rich or the poor, the young or the old. It is hardly a pleasant experience to be lonesome. The state of loneliness is not one that anyone can acquire by choice. Nor is it one that has anything to do with the presence or absence of other people around a person. Having company is no assurance of an absence of loneliness. In fact, it is not a physical phenomenon at all, but a state of mind. One can be lonely in a crowd.
One can also rephrase the observation saying that loneliness is a situation one would not wish to be in. The feeling that one has no one to share one’s thoughts or moments with is a depressing one. Yet, it may not be possible for a person to get along with just anybody. It is generally assumed, for instance, that a married person would not be lonesome. This is one of the most common as well as the most tragic misconceptions of all. A wedding is no guarantee that the two persons who have tied the nuptial knot will be compatible enough to counter each other’s loneliness in life. In fact, the law of averages would suggest that this is not possible, at least in 50 per cent cases.
There is a class of people who can be called lonesome by choice. They are those who would rather be alone than in company, however pleasant or compatible. There are several who would rather be left alone to their thoughts; others would prefer to be surrounded by flora and fauna; and there are some who would rejoice in the company of inanimate objects. There is this classic example of the poet who “wandered lonely as a cloud”, when his mind was uplifted as he came upon “a host of golden daffodils”. The poet’s loneliness made him yearn for company, but it would appear that he was not averse to the companionship of flora. He may have preferred human companionship, but for the time being a “host of loneliness daffodils” were enough to mitigate his loneliness.
Climbing down now from the poetic to the prosaic, one could perhaps delve into the question of loneliness in modern society. In an industrialized society, loneliness has become endemic. With the inevitable breakdown of the family unit caused by industrialization, individuals have drifted apart. Human relationships that provide the bonding for companionship are made conspicuous by their absence. This is the price society has had to pay for technological advancement. The developing countries are falling into the same trap. In the mad rush for rapid technological advancement, human values have fallen by the wayside.
One interesting aspect of social upheaval in our industrialized society has been that people have fallen back on the company of pets. Dogs and cats have become constant companions of lonely of friendless people. Millions and millions are spent on feeding and pampering pets in a world where numerous human being sleep hungry. This is one of the ironies of the new world economic order, which is another story altogether.
Coming back to real issue, loneliness is a state of mind that is bizarre in many ways. While there are people who crave for company, others would rather be alone. As one had occasion to mention earlier, it would be a mistake to confuse loneliness with the state of being alone. Man’s temperament is remarkably flexible. There are people who, having despaired about finding compatibility in human companionship, would fill the void in their lives through divers interests, like music. On the other extreme, there are individuals who are terrified of being alone. They hate the idea of being without company under any kind of circumstances. Such people are prone to looking for the slightest pretext to befriend strangers.
Loneliness at the top is another important matter. The higher a person rises in life the smaller becomes the circle of his friends or companions. This inverse proportion continues till such time as the ultimate rise to the pinnacle leaves the subject alone and totally bereft of friends. The top man, more often than not, finds himself surrounded by a bevy of yes-men and sycophants — a veritable recipe for disaster.
Then there are those few who strive to look for ideals all their lives. This is also true of their quest for ‘who to befriend’. Loneliness for them is an incentive to achieve what may, in effect, be unachievable.
