WHILE talking of parent-child relationship, especially where the relationship is strained, we say that it is because of generation gap. Ask the adults and they will blame the younger generation for not being receptive and communicative and having ideas of their own. While the children blame parents for not being understanding and forcing their ideas onto them.
It has been often seen that most parents want their children to do what they (parents) want. Children, especially teenagers, are often found complaining that they do not have much liberties; curfew hours are too strict; they are not allowed to surf or chat on the Internet or keep a mobile phone. To top it all, most children are forced to study subjects or pursue a career line that their parents consider appropriate for them, without any consideration for their aptitude and inclination. Some children have even been found to be torn between what their mother wants them to be and what their father want. The mother wants the child to pursue a career in medicine while the father wants him/her to be an engineer; nobody stops to think what the children himself wants.
True that parents, as elders, know much more about the world, and out of their love of their children always have their benefit in mind. They take their decisions according to what in their view is best for their children. If they do not allow the child to go out with friends too often or impose strict curfews it is because they don’t want any harm coming to the children or the children getting into any problems or tough situations.
Similarly, a lot of parents are aware of the dangers of the Internet surfing and chatting and not wanting their children to get involved in some uneasy situation do not allow them access to the Internet even to chat with friends. It’s not that parents do not want to give any freedom to their children; it’s just that they are being protective.
Children’s contention is that parents have lived their lives and now they should allow them to lead theirs. Parents from their experience know what’s right and what’s wrong — some have even learnt the hard way, having suffered at the hands of their own follies. That is why they don’t want their children to go through these tribulations. They want their children to learn from their experiences.
It is true that parents are the best guides, and guidance is one thing that the children cannot do without. But there are certain things where they should let the children have their way. Of course, they should guide the child, but shouldn’t impose their will. The children can be told of the risk involved in say Net surfing and can be allowed to surf or chat under supervision. Rather than refuse access to these facilities, their activities can be monitored and checked.
As far as studies and choice of career are concerned, the parents should never force the child to study some particular subject or pursue a specific career. It is agreed that the parents have their ambitions and ideals; like, they may want to see their son or daughter a successful doctor or engineer, or may want the fulfilment of their dreams. But they should also keep in mind that the child may not have the temperament to study medicine or engineering or may have the inclination towards some other field. The child may take up the subject of their (parents) choice but may not be able to perform well in that specific field and end up as a failure. It would be better if the parents aspire to see their child as a successful person rather than a successful doctor or engineer and let the child follow his dreams. Even if he is not successful he will not blame anyone else expect himself.
Whether it is the matter of career choice or some other point of difference it is always best that both the parties sit together, discuss the problem and sort out a solution. The children should realize that the parents are more experienced and want their (children’s) betterment. But at the same time the parents should also understand that today’s children, especially teenagers, are better informed than the parents were in their teenage. Children have a personality of their own and ideas about how they want to spend their lives. They have the exposure to the media especially satellite channels and the Internet. They are aware of the opportunities and options open for them and are willing to explore the best avenues and take up the challenges that come their way. They are intelligent, brave and daring and are not ready to tread the beaten track and play safe.
Children face lots of pressure from their parents in terms of high expectations to do well in studies and get good grades, to participate and perform well in extra-curricular activities, to out do their peers in all fields. They feel that they are expected to excel and perform beyond their capabilities. This sometimes leads to feelings of resentment, especially when the children realize their limitations. Of course, every child cannot be a top-grader.
Sometimes when a child is put under too much pressure or too many restrictions are imposed on him, there are chances that he may revolt, defy all restrictions and get involved in some negative and destructive activities. Because of this inner conflict and dissatisfaction the child may associate with the wrong people may take to drugs or may get involved in unlawful activities. We cannot deny the fact that there are elements in society that take advantage of, and exploit, such situations.
The parents should keep this in mind and not let the circumstances become so grave that the child rebels and the situation takes a nasty turn, because if the situation takes such a turn both the parents and the child will suffer.
What’s the harm in allowing the child some liberties where it is possible to ease the situation and make it feel comfortable and ready to accept some restrictions? It is a situation where the rule of ‘give-and-take’ applies best. No one party can have all that it desires and wishes.
