IT was spring of 1996. I had just finished my studies and was desperately looking for a job. Not just any job, but a job of my dreams, a job where I could enjoy an envious position, would be offered an unbelievable salary package, would get a car, a cell phone and where every other person would look up to me for all kinds of advice — critical, official and personal.
And my dream did come true. I got the job of my drams, yes. Every morning I used to get up early and get ready to get to work in my best attire. My neighbours looked at me with surprise and suspicion, “How did he get a job like that?”. Well baby you have to have “it” to get such a job. And I thought I had “it”.
There was a lot of glamour and style involved in and around my job. I played smart. I kept very quiet for the first month, speaking only what was really needed to be spoken. I had a reasons for keeping quiet. I wanted everyone else working in that firm to tell everything about himself to me. So most of the time I kept others asking questions about how long they’d been working in that firm. Did they relay like what they were doing? Did they really like working with each other? If yes, why? And if not, why not?
My plan worked very well. After a month, I had a fair idea of everyone’s mindset. Now I knew everyone better than anyone else in that firm. Now I knew who was who. Who wanted what. Who liked whom. And who disliked whom.
Everyone was my friend. At least they thought they were. But was I really everyone’s friend? Well, it was too early to think about such a thing and, in fact, no one cared. I was liked by everyone maintaining my sober and stylish look. And that’s all that mattered to me.
I wanted every girl working in that firm to like me at least, if not fall in love with me. And it happened too. Boy, I was in cloud nine. Life was beautiful and going as smooth as silk. But wait a minute. Is life really that beautiful? The answer is no, not always. So what happened? Where did it take a twist?
I tell you where it took a twist. All of it did not last for a very long time. My so-called friends pledged a lot of faith and confidence in me, shared their secrets with me, took advice from me, spoke evil of each other with me. When they trusted me, I made them believe that they had chosen the right person; when they shared their secrets with me, I couldn’t keep them sometimes; when they spoke evil of each other, I listened to them and never stopped them, which encouraged them to speak more evil; when they came to me for sincere advice, I told them what they wanted to hear to what was really sincere. I felt so annoyed with myself that I felt like quitting the job then and there. But I couldn’t do it. Because I knew that I would never be able to get such a job ever. I wasn’t doing justice to any of them, wasn’t doing justice to my job and above all wasn’t doing justice to my own self. I was not what I was pretending to be, and that was turning me into someone which I was not for real. I had built that “guilt feeling” around me all the time, couldn’t concentrate on my work, wanted to keep away from my colleagues and wanted them to keep away from me.
This sudden change in my behaviour caught my colleagues’ attention. I kept getting away from them and they kept getting closer to each other. In a few days, everyone started blaming me for the sins I did not commit directly. “Hey, hey, wait a minute, mind your language, I didn’t say any such thing about you, it was him,” “Well I didn’t ask you to ask me for advice, besides that’s what you wanted to hear,” “Oh come off it, I didn’t leak out your secret, how the heck I know where she heard it from”. These were some of the sentences that became routine phraseology with my colleagues.
It was useless, nobody would listen to me anymore. No body would believe me now. I tried to become everybody’s sweet apple but turned out to be a very bitter bite for them when they ate me. Finally I left my dream job.
Where did I go wrong? I tell you where. I wasn’t being myself, didn’t look at my shortcomings, in fact, I never thought I had any shortcomings.
I have learnt a lesson the hard way. Now I have learnt to be myself and to act myself. I am quite satisfied with my present job. I listen to people sincerely and advise them not what they want to hear, but what I think is really sincere for them. Whether they befriend me or not, it’s up to them.
IT was spring of 1996. I had just finished my studies and was desperately looking for a job. Not just any job, but a job of my dreams, a job where I could enjoy an envious position, would be offered an unbelievable salary package, would get a car, a cell phone and where every other person would look up to me for all kinds of advice — critical, official and personal.
