It is no mean feat to make a relationship durable; it requires guts and a fair understanding of how a human mind works
UDGMENT is the key factor when it comes to getting involved in a relationship, and while analyzing a person one must be rational and fair instead of being emotional or biased. We are all unique individuals. There is no magic formula to judge a person and no one is perfect. Sometimes emotions become hard to suppress which is why it’s important that in a relationship you “put yourself into the other person’s shoes” as it puts things in correct perspective. It also helps us in understanding who we are before we try and get to know someone else. It might sound theoretical, but if applied correctly this concept can be of great help.
It can be argued that choosing a spouse is probably one of the most difficult aspects of life since there are so many unknown factors involved, but before one takes that step, an understanding of the ‘self’ is extremely important and then the attributes of the spouse-to-be. In this regard certain criteria help in understanding others. What are those criteria? Well, to name a few, integrity, honesty, modesty, looks, age, nationality, ethnicity education, profession, bank balance, confidence, intelligence and religious values.
According to some people, with the passage of time some criteria change. Basic science subjects like physics, chemistry and maths, which most of us study at some level, actually play an important role in moulding human psychology. In the process of spouse selection generally most people tend to go for more on physical features in the early years of life. As we grow up, after gaining some experience, they concentrate more on chemistry and later on (may be in their forties) their approach becomes rather mathematical. Just think about this analogy and you will see quite a few examples around you.
Our elders, family members and friends usually try to do what they feel is in our best interest, and in most cases they are sincere in their efforts. But it does not mean that we have to agree with whatever they say or do. Any good advice from those who have experienced success or failure in life should be carefully analyzed. Sometimes in order to eliminate confusion its better to be straightforward and deal with the situation at hand. One bad experience in life should not mean that’s how life treats us. optimism is the key to whether any kind of storm in life. Although it is hard to make everybody around us happy, there is no harm in trying. The following couplet will support this argument.
Ghalib buraa na maan jo dushman bura kahein
Aaisa bhi kooie hai ke sub acha kahein jisey
[Ghalib, if foes speak ill of you, ignore it! For no one is praised by all]
It would be hard to dispute that while choosing the spouse career and job are considered the main issues in modern times. To prosper professionally, we certainly need to plan accordingly and establish targets and need to ask ourselves if our objectives are achievable; but sometimes due to reasons beyond our control we have to show flexibility and go with the flow.
As far as decision-making goes, we need to keep the following factors in mind:
1. Determine the root cause(s) of problem/defect; if possible, write down the conflict
2. Avoid jumping to conclusions
3. Understand magnitude of the problem
4. Recalibrate (scope enhancement)
5. Establish targets that are achievable and solutions that are workable
6. Prioritize
In any relationship sanity and balance need to prevail. It is always amazing to observe the power of patience as it can sometimes resolve issues that would otherwise take a lifetime to get resolved.
Aashiqi sabar talab aur tamanna betaab
In a nutshell, we have to deal with our achievements and problems accordingly. It is very difficult to compromise on principals. But it is always good to be flexible on certain issues. It is always good to rectify ourselves by realizing our mistakes.
It is no mean feat to make a relationship durable; it requires guts and a fair understanding of how a human mind works
