Though Indo-Pak relations have apparently improved in recent times, Non-resident Indians are like gladiators in bed with Israeli points men ready to strafe Islamabad
DIGITAL advertising, denizens at our embassy in Washington DC, conjectured, could well open up magic casements upon Pakistan’s dead sea afloat with foreign investors in a state of coma. Chances of winning the hard-nosed world of businessmen via the cyber show and tell could perhaps pay off. So, on Nov 9, The New York Times web edition flashed Musharraf’s photo accompanied by an interview without a byline, juxtaposed with a savvy profile on the state of the republic.
Sure it was an eye-catcher inviting the gaze of the curious Times surfer. But the president’s interview by the nameless reporter was a hard sell. Way too long, it made heavy reading. Just the sort of PR stuff that turns away inspired readers wading through the gobbledygook jungle honed by elves called Kashmir; terrorism; talibanism and mullahism. Nawaz Sharif, the leprecon and Benazir Bhutto, the pixie made a cameo appearance as unfit for democracy and, therefore, banished to the deserts of Arabia.
Spangled throughout was a healthy dose of fairy dust on the future of our economy.
I am fair game, come try me out, was Musharraf’s open invitation to the investment-shy foreigners — read Americans. Hello ... Pakistan must arguably have more to offer than our man Friday? There’s life beyond the president, eh?
Still, even if Musharraf’s siren song managed to engage the odd passerby in cyberspace by creating a magical land of make-believe, chances of him completing the interview would have been slim.
Coldly glared the runner at the top: “This advertising supplement is produced by Summit Communications and did not involve the reporting or editorial staff of The New York Times”.
Dare one wager the damage done to Pakistan’s pocket book by this wordy venture? Some bloated figure, I guess. The New York Times, let’s be honest, is no small time affair. Nor, mind you, is the snobbish Washington-based ad agency that claims special ties with The Times as thriving business partners specializing in Third World country profiles, such as ours.
To say that the former New Yorker, Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz, has been there and done it, would belabour the point. Cast a look at his climb on the totem pole of greasy finance and you’ll know what I mean. Why is he then not shaking up the sleepy outfit here? He’s no pedantic theorist, unlike our diplomat babus, coming in bulk off the assembly line dressed in diplomatese, whose daily work scope, they call it ‘slog’, involves the cocktail circuit and freebee hunting for family and friends on a visit, logging time and expenses to the Foreign Office account.
Wake up guys — in case you missed out — the 21st century is here and the zero sum game has begun in real gusto. Outsourcing is the new kid around the block and wanting to own him is China and India, the new emerging power players who seize serendipity wherever they find it on their march of dimes against American workers swiftly losing jobs to them.
Pakistan, the infantile toddler, who never seems to grow up, still in pampers provided by the Bush administration; still sucking on the pacifier — Americans call it binky! — remains wondrously out of step.
The new ambassador. Ah! If Gen (retd) Jehangir Karamat has retained his esprit de corps that made him a popular army chief open to inquiry and logic, then Indians here would have met their match. Still, just to be sure, here are some small weapons of defence against the Indian bogey of fear that drives Pakistan in Washington. With his eye on the ‘enemy’ the general’s mantra should be:
• Positive — life for Pakistan is meant to be good!
• Affirming — let’s celebrate our growth, but more is better!
• Empowering — we can do it!
• Non-shaming — we are not OK just as we are; we must change to be OK!
Once dumped by Nawaz Sharif as his chief of army staff, one hopes the four months at Washington’s Brookings Institution as a visiting fellow have firmly put the general inside the Beltway and hence on equal footing with those smarmy scheming Indians operating under the umbrella of the USIPAC (US India Political Action Committee).
Hush ... the general brings extra baggage in the shape of nuclear proliferation controversy along with him. The Indian and Jewish lobby is already at work on the Hill to nail Karamat for allegedly being in cahoots with nuclear scoundrels. Oh man! That’s going to be a tough one for the general to manoeuvre.
Waiting to knife Pakistan at all times — never mind if New Delhi and Islamabad’s bilateral relations look promising with a light bulb suddenly coming on over General Musharraf’s head on Kashmir solution, the so-called NRI’s or Non-resident Indians are like gladiators in bed with Israeli point men ready to strafe Islamabad. Anyone heard of Bobby Jindal? Indians on both sides of the Atlantic can’t stop boasting at sending up their poster boy to the Hill as a freshly minted congressman. This 33-year-old American Indian from Louisiana wanted to govern the state last year, but didn’t make it.
Well, he’s made it this time and made history of sorts. Just wait for his claws to grow. Excuse the cliche, to curry favour from the influential Indian lobby, Bobby will be the loudest voice against Pakistan. Must we remind ourselves that the bipartisan Indian caucus on the Hill, formed last year by president-in-waiting, Senator Hillary Clinton — furiously vowing to fight for Indian interests — in chorus with Senate Majority and Minority leaders already draws rapid anti-Pakistan fire 24/7. Additionally, the Indians have an hyper effective caucus in the House of Representatives, founded in 1993 by Congressmen Frank Pallone, the Pakistani-bashing congressman from New Jersey. Recently, the Indian caucus tried blocking the $3 billion aid package President Bush had promised to Pakistan, but the Bush administration blocked the move. In the past, such activities had “hurt Pakistan” as had “India’s close relationship with the United States”, admitted Musharraf while inaugurating our own measly caucus comprising lawmakers in Washington DC.
Wait we must, for our baby to mature into a more meaningful entity, before throwing it out with the bathwater. But, will it ever flower like the Indian caucus fully loaded with automatic anti-Pakistan congressional powerhouses? You’ve got to be kidding!
So, what else is new? Well, let me tell you that on chand raat, the Pakistani Americans showed up at an Indian restaurant, Chand Palace in Parsippany, a sprawling town near New York, home to 5,000 plus Indian Americans and a few Pakistanis. What’s the big deal here? Plenty. The Indians have infiltrated to grab our dollars by taking over our festivals as well! They celebrate Eid with the same materialistic hoopla as they do Diwali. Where are the Pakistani merchants? Don’t ask.
On a soggy cold spring afternoon, earlier this year, the Indian invasion at a local hotel in Parsippany was complete. The occasion: a festival showcasing ‘little India’ from masala bhangra to mehndi trends; bridal makeup to sensational naach; dhol performance to disco dance; fashion show to dulhan exp; kundan chockers to bhel puri; masala dosa to Punjabi sabzi ... Made unforgettable was the day by a spirit of bonhomie ladled out generously by the organizers — who stayed in the distance never in our faces. Something, Pakistanis have yet to learn.
Though Indo-Pak relations have apparently improved in recent times, Non-resident Indians are like gladiators in bed with Israeli points men ready to strafe Islamabad 
