I AM a Pakistani woman. And just like most women who are unfortunate enough to be brought up in our patriarchal culture, I too have to face the agony and frustration of being part of a system which does not endorse any respect for the rights of women and does not attach any value to their status as human beings.
It is common knowledge that when a child is born, the first people he comes in contact with are his parents. His parents are the representatives of the rest of society. Thus, the values they inculcate in their child depend on their interpretation of society and the rules it follows.
In our society, respect for traditions and customs reigns supreme. People have lost the ability to think for themselves. Instead, they are much more comfortable with accepting values that are handed down to them, and do not bother to question them. As the child grows up, he also gets exposed to the same values. Gradually, he learns to distance himself from his parents and looks at the world through his own eyes, and in the light of his own experiences, begins to arrive at conclusions that are different from those of his parents. This is precisely where conflicts rear their heads.
If we look around us and closely observe the pattern of the behaviour of different individuals, we will realize that the rules and regulations that are adopted within families with regards to women are much more severe and harsh than those that are made for men. A young girl, as she grows up, has to face millions of restrictions. Her conduct, behaviour and demeanour are moulded according to the expectations of society. She is taught passivity and subservience, which prepares her for a life of servitude that even in this day and age is her ultimate destiny.
The patriarchal framework of the family does not tolerate any opposition or disobedience by a girl. The way she is brought up under the oppressive shadow of overbearing parents ensures that she remain passive and accept everything without questioning it. Even if she is feeling mentally suffocated and physically imprisoned, she cannot muster enough courage to stand up for herself and claim her rights. This is completely understandable since the poor girl spends her entire life living in fear of the wrath of her father and the rage of her brothers. The docility, selflessness and subservience that are considered to be the attributes of femininity are not genetic qualities; nor are they personality traits that come naturally to women. They are, in fact, traits acquired as a result of years and years of severely meticulous training. A woman is always taught to think of others and exercise restraint over her anger. She is taught that her first and foremost duty is towards her family and that includes parents, siblings and, later on in life, her husband and children. Take into consideration the character of Nora in Henrik Ibsen’s play A Doll’s House. When her husband tells her that her first and foremost duty is towards her husband and children, she very firmly replies that her first duty is to herself. For after all, is she not a human being like her husband?
Women need to be aware of the fact that they as human beings have the same rights as men. To condemn a woman — regardless of her social standing — to a life of servitude within the claustrophobic walls of her house is the greatest violation of her rights. To take control over her mind as well as her body and then forcibly confine her to the cloister is terrible violation. These are crimes that are perpetrated against woman within her own family. No human being can tolerate unjust authority and the infringement of his/her rights. If a woman is married against her will, the violation of her basic rights would not attract as much attention as when she is raped. But is it fair to force a woman to spend her life with a complete stranger?
Simone de Beauvoir in her book, The Second Sex, has observed that the differences between men and women that constitute the pivot on which most societies revolve arise only as a result of the differences in their situations. By this she means that it is the training that a woman receives during her childhood and her youth that determines her behaviour. Therefore, the claim that a woman on account of a certain intrinsic weakness cannot be accorded the same status in society as men is false.
Women living in the NWFP encounter a lot of discrimination just because they are women. Even in the city of Karachi, which is supposed to be more cosmopolitan, a woman walking by the roadside has to encounter stares, comments of various degrees of lewdness and all sorts of other behaviour. There is a word for these violations. It’s called harassment. What is a woman’s crime? She is a woman, is that it? It would take me an entire book to describe the discriminations that women face in society and the ways in which her rights are mercilessly trampled upon. The list becomes endless.
As I mentioned before, the root of the problem lies within the family itself. The nuclear family is the reflection of the patriarchal nature of our society in which head of the family thinks it is his right to make decisions not only for himself but also for his wife and children. His timid wife quivers when confronted with his aggressiveness and acts as a mediator between her husband and the children. The authoritarian nature of the father creates an insurmountable gap between the children and himself and the mother is torn between the two parties. This is the ordeal that most women undergo and it is a vicious cycle that is repeated from generation to generation. Of course, there are many parents out there who do not conform to such a set-up but unfortunately the ratio is in favour of the family as I have described earlier. I myself belong to such a family, and believe me, it is emotionally draining, and the distance between the parents and the children creates the breeding ground for hostility, which sometimes manifests itself in the form of violent episodes.
In the end, I would like to stress upon the fact that women must educate themselves about their basic rights so that they can stand up to oppression and demand justice. I especially implore the young women in our society to read books that would help them acquire some understanding of themselves as women as well as human beings. In this respect, Simone de Beauvoir’s excellent book, The Second Sex would be a good start.
